Friday, November 6, 2009


I know that my diatribes have been bleak lately, at the very least, downers, so I thought I'd share somethng humorous that recently was discussed in my life with a dear friend. We were discussing the notorious LA strip band, Motley Crue. You'll forgive me if I dont include the goddamn umlauts.

I was saying in this discussion that I thought I remembered the Crue rhyming "kicking ass" with "kicking ass" and that, to me anyway, was tantamount to lyrical laziness. Really. I've rhymed better than that, and I'm hardly Dylan Thomas or Robert Frost.

For posterity's sake, here's the lyrics, for better or worse.

"When we started this band
All we needed, needed was a laugh
Years gone by
I'd say we've kicked some ass

When I'm enraged
Or hittin' the stage
Adrenaline rushing
Through my veins
And I'd say we're still kickin' ass,"

So, technically I was wrong. They rhymed "kicked some ass" with "kickin' ass". Obviously a huge difference. As my friend and I discussed this tripe, (thanks for the word, Chris) I was thinking that with that attempt at prose, that they didn't even make an effort.

And it reminded me of the classic 80's film, featuring the criminally overlooked actor, Casey Sziemaszko, "Three O'Clock High". Wherein Casey's character pays a hulking bully stolen money not to fight him after school. The bully, Buddy Revell, one of the most intimidating high school bullies I've ever seen portrayed, (gotta give the props to actor Richard Tyson.) of course takes the cash. Then he leers at Sziemaszko in a weather-worn, disgusted face, complete with a voice showing ultimate disdain, and says....

"You didn't even try, how does that feel?", before sauntering off. That line always stuck with me. I applied it to Milwaukee Brewers management during the all-star break and trade deadline non-highlights, but that's neither here nor there.

Geez, Motley Crue, kicked some ass, with kickin' ass? You, on your fourth platinum album, with hundreds of sold-out shows around the world, and your vast experience with the band dynamic, could'nt find something that rhymed in the neighborhood of ass?

No matter how hard you looked, you couldn't find something between the four of you?
Or did you bother to try?

How does that feel?

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