Bound to the Past : Choose Your Own Adventure

 

A few years back we went to see the Rian Johnson film Knives Out which was a Agatha Christie modeled who-dun-it with flickers of comic touches a la Murder by Death and Clue.  Everyone loves a good mystery and this is damn fine one.  Plus, Michael Shannon is in it, so that makes any movie a must see.  I noticed something about the name of the murder victim in the film, a chap named Harlan Thrombey.

Why did that ring a bell?

When in the 6th grade at Bose Elementary, my Mrs. Werner led class was really into the Choose Your Own Adventure series of books.  I wasn't so much because I was already dipping my toes into the Stephen King pond.  However, there was one particular Choose Your Own title that I was drawn to because a friend (who liked to talk shit behind your back) recommended it.  It was an Edward Packer mystery with some diabolical turns called Who Killed Harlowe Thrombey?

That's why it rang a bell.  I just needed to know if there was a correlation. 

It didn't take much sniffing around to find that Rian Johnson's film was inspired by Packer's entry in the series, particularly the name of his victim.  It's amazing the way things find themselves working around into circles in life. 

I like to occasionally visit Library Book Sales, you know the ones, a grocery bag for $10.00.  I usually make a loop through the children's section before leaving as I'm aways on the lookout for a first printing of Don Freeman's Space Witch.  It also would be quite slick to find any copy, (but particularly Godzilla as you have to take out a small loan and provide a DNA sample to purchase it on eBay) of the Crestwood Monster Series.  I always strike out on those.  But one time, lingering at the bottom of a box of oversized kids books was a paperback.  Picking it up and holding it in my hand, I was smitten with a nostalgic soaked breath.

Who Killed Harlowe Thrombey?

Of all the library book sales in all the world, this one member of the series just happens to pop up here.  What are the odds?

Well, I'm about to write a Part II of a post about being fortunate with books and author autographs that show, that in this department?

I'm pretty fucking lucky.

The Gobble Project: Black Friday

I did Black Friday once.  Just to say I did it.  I dragged my ass out of bed at 4:00 AM the day after Thanksgiving, braved the crowds and the cold, and did the bulk of my Christmas shopping on the day of savings.  

I'll never do it again, but at least I lived, and have a story to tell. 

But that's for another day.  I'm here to talk about the movie.  Black Friday is a horror comedy about zombie-like hive-minded creatures attacking retail outlets all over what has to be Illinois (Schaumburg is referenced) on Black Friday.  I don't know what the big deal is, as these monsters don't behave a whole lot different than Black Friday shoppers do in general, knocking people down, beating them and eating their flesh, but I digress. 

These creatures have some sort of goal, though. Their hive minds have them creating something.  Something pink and awful. 

The store this film is centered around is called WeLuvToys and the employees thoughts on the matter of toys varies and do not necessarily correspond with the name of the establishment they are working for. 

It's a motley bunch, consisting of Devon Sawa as our main character.  Sawa was never a big youth star but led several big named films such as Final Destination and Idle Hands, and in his youth even did a fairly intense Lifetime film called Night of the Twisters.  (Yes, I did write the last part of that sentence).  As he's reached his 40's, he's actually a fairly compelling screen presence, which shows here and in other films like the terrific Hunter Hunter.  He holds this down fairly well. 

You have Ivana Baquero (who was Ofelia in Guillermo Del Toro's masterful Pan's Labyrinth), young Ryan Lee, and Stephen Peck who all acquit themselves well here, especially considering the light weight of the material.  

Martial Arts Legend Michael Jai White (who could have really been used a lot more and to greater effect) and Bruce Campbell (who needs no introduction) round out the cast.  

The practical effects are nicely done by OG Robert Kurtzman (he of KNB FX fame), and considering the fact that Bruce Campbell produced this flick, it's no shocker they got Bob involved. 

As scary as zombies with an agenda are, the movie really is very funny.  I laughed out loud at least 3 or 4 times at dialogue and events, and this is helped by how well these characters are fleshed out from the beginning.  They all have identifying and unique personalities and traits and oddly, Sawa in the lead may be the least original of all of them despite his poor man's Matt Damon presence.  Some of the dialogue is very sharp, and there's some so quick-you-may-miss-it social commentary sprinkled throughout.

I highly recommend this for Thanksgiving AND Christmas, and due to this film will be adding Dour Dennis to my Christmas List. 

The Gobble Project : A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

This year is the 50th Anniversary of Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving special.  It's hard to believe it's been around that long.  Frani and I viewed it last night and it remains a classic, though it doesn't pack the thick holiday vibe and nostalgia that A Charlie Brown Christmas and It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown do by a long shot. 

One of the things that I find odd about it is the lack of Lucy.  Outside of an opening segment, where she once again gets Charlie Brown to go flying through the air and land on his ass by yanking the football away on an attempted kick, she's nowhere to be found.  Maybe she acquired all the sadomasochistic ingredients she needed for Thanksgiving and moved on to start her Psychiatric Practice. As much of an annoying pain in the arse that Lucy is, her absence definitely feels like a missing piece. Her brother Linus, along with his blanket, wrinkly thumb, and old soul wisdom are present in spades as he spews bullshit about Miles Standish at a breakneck pace.  

Large portions of this special belong to Snoopy and Woodstock as they do most of the labor to prepare for an upcoming Thanksgiving Dinner that Charlie Brown allows himself to be bullied into. Yes, Peppermint Patty walks all over Chuck as she calls him and invites herself, and then Marcie and her creepy fucking eyeless glasses, and finally Franklin to a Thanksgiving Dinner she apparently is missing in her own life.  Loyal Snoopy and Woodstock then go to work.  To the tunes of Little Birdie and Linus and Lucy, they battle to set up an impromptu dinner.  This begins with a fight to get a ping pong table out of the Brown family garage.  This is harder than it needs to be as Charlie's parents are apparently fucking hoarders.  Snoopy fights sentient lawn furniture and then engages in a funky brouhaha with Woodstock that involves flopping into and out of a storage chest. 

Eventually popcorn, pretzel sticks, jelly beans and toast lead to the core definition of the episode, and like all Holiday specials, the true meaning of something is understood.

Again, this isn't the greatest holiday special ever made, but I could feel memories flooding back as I watched it, laughed at silliness that smacks of kid stuff, and then craved Dolly Madison pastries for some odd reason. 

It's this kind of stuff, added together over the years, that help make the holidays what they should be. 

Warm.

 

The Gobble Project: Tales from the Darkside: The Last Car

 

In 1983/1984 on weekends, my best friend stayed at his aunt's house next door.  He spent more time hanging out with me than he did the aunt, but she didn't mind.  As Saturday night wound down, he'd come over so we could watch George A. Romero's syndicated anthology series Tales from the Darkside after Saturday Night Live.  Jon and I had a mutual adoration for baseball and the NBA, laughter (hence Dick Ebersol's Billy Crystal/Martin Short era of SNL we weekly gathered together for), but for some odd reason we were pulled to Tales from the Darkside whenever we could find it's beautiful syndicated ass placed on the TV schedule. 

This was my introduction to the maestro, George A Romero.

Anyways, we'd always laugh at the intro, where the baritone-throated announcer would pause in his description of everyday life, before he'd describe a level of the universe that isn't so nice....

when he'd pause, he'd say "BUT!" a little bit too firmly and with too much pizzazz.

and we'd laugh like a bastid.  Listen below.

Anyways, last night Frani and I watched an episode from the second season of Tales that involved our young character Stacey, as she's getting on  a train to head home for Thanksgiving.  Sadly, that's about all this episode has to do with Turkey-Day, but my job is to jam the holidays with my culture this time of year, 

and that's what I'm gonna do.

Stacey comes to the last car of the train, that "sways" as an old crocheting woman puts it, while a shitty little kid runs around who appears to wear costumes that change, as he shouts, runs around like a fool, and pulls triggers on noisy toys and generally acts like an asshole.  One other traveller, a nappy old guy, has sandwiches for everyone and card games for the dime store Billy Mumy who has you irritated beyond control about 10 minutes into the episode. 

All the characters become frightened when the train is about to go through tunnels.  There's no light outside at all, and too much time has passed for Stacey's comfort.  The conductor has no answers.  It's all very odd. 

What happened to Stacey?  Where is she going and how did she end up here?  The last frame may have your answer, but not the question of how or why.

This undertaking felt more like a watered-down Twilight Zone episode than the normally more visceral Tales from the Darkside.  Except in Zone, Rod Serling would come in at the conclusion and wisely tell you how our intrepid Stacey came to this lowly state and what lies ahead for her on this nightmarish train.  

Can't recommend this for Thanksgiving viewing, but Tales from the Darkside is always a nostalgic treat.

The Gobble Project: Let's Eat

When the topic of Thanksgiving comes up, there's a lot of things that can become the basis of conversation at the dinner table.  The behavior of small kids, careers of older kids, how the last year went, and of course there's always inevitable stupid family arguments (especially if politics is allowed in the discourse.  Some people never learn from history).  But really, the mountaintop of Thanksgiving thoughts that come to mind are related to food.  

Everyone has things that are their favorites, and every family has members that give each other the stink-eye over how an absolute joy for one is trash to the other.  I've seen near fistfights break out over the relevance of seven layer casserole.  

Turkey is of course the favorite of most.  I've seen it come baked (Thanks, Mom for getting up at 5:00 on the Fourth Thursday of November for many years to begin the bake and baste process).  I've seen it deep fried in a garage and the 15 megaton mushroom cloud explosion was even avoided!  Some families toss in a variety of ham, though I've noticed that meat being more the Easter entree over the years, whether honey-baked or yer basic. 

 Then mashed potatoes get slopped onto the plate, gravy makes its entrance on top of the meat and potatoes.  Enter the cranberry sauce (whether fresh or the gelatinous tube from the can) which has never been a big favorite of mine, and various incarnations of vegetables and these things called yams. 

Never mind all that.  Just give me a wicker basket and fill it with the brown and serve rolls that come bagged by the dozen for .99.  

I'm all good.

 

The Gobble Project: Packers thanksgiving victory

November 27, 1986

 Living in Texas in 1986, the city of Waco no less, was one of the loneliest chunks of existence my life has had and theres been a few. That Thanksgiving day’s assembly was just a few family members (because I didn’t have a lot of family down there) for dinner. After the small meal was over, my sister and brother went out somewhere, and my parents decided to hang with my aunt and uncle. I chose to go home to our townhouse which was just a couple of steps away from where my aunt and uncle lived, in their own townhouse.

There I’d watch the Packers-Lions Thanksgiving day game which is being rematched again this year, incidentally.  Madden and Summerall were in tow.  Now it wouldn’t be long before a decision was made to move back to Wisconsin, but I think that we were a couple of weeks away from that choice being executed. Texas was not fitting me in the least, and depression was setting in. I was in a funk.

So there I sat on Thanksgiving day, up in my bedroom watching on my Portland (a Daewoo product) mini-color tv. I’m not sure why because there was a bigger television in the living room, and as I said, I was the only one home.  I watched the Packers and the lions go back-and-forth in a meaningless football game. With under a minute left, the Lions held a 40 to 37 lead and things looked grim upon one last possession change as the Lions failed on a late 3rd down attempt.  I’m sure in the back of my mind I was thinking “What a great Thanksgiving; here by myself, feeling lonely with nowhere near the family I’m used to having around me, and the Packers are going to lose to the stinking Lions.” However, This should not have come as a surprise as the Packers only won four games that entire season. 

But then a Thanksgiving miracle happened.  

Wide receiver  Walter Stanley directly disobeyed the orders of his coach, Forrest Gregg, one of the dirtiest and lousiest coaches in the NFL, (not to mention the man that cut my personal hero, Packers quarterback Lynn Dickey) and decided to not fair catch.  Stanley fielded the punt around  the 17 yard line, cut to his left, realized there was no where to go, reversed his field and ran around everybody and straight up the far sideline for the game-winning touchdown. Oddly, ol' Forrest didn't look mad that he was not heeded.  He may have been one of Coach Lombardi's favorite players, but as a coach, he was kind of a dingus and that came in real clear here. 

I remember jumping up and down for joy in this really minor but at the time major moment, one on a otherwise thankless Thanksgiving. My excitement was rattling the exceedingly weak wooden floor of the second level of our townhouse.  I didn’t give a shit, No one else was home. 

It’s because of this touchdown and victory that the 1986 Thanksgiving is one I’ll never forget . 

Thank you Walter.

Watch it here with a click: 

Walter Stanley's Thanksgiving Touchdown

Samhain Project Season 3 Ends: When Evil Lurks, and The Dark & The Wicked

 I know it’s a week after November 1st, or Samhain, but life does dumb stuff and says dumb stuff, so I am late. 

From Time Magazine;

Samhain, the fire festival that marked the beginning of the dark half of the year, is situated between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice.

Encyclopedia Britannica notes that, during this festival, the world of the gods “was believed to be made visible to humankind,” leading to supernatural tricks and trouble; ghosts of the dead and spirits from the Otherworld were also thought to return to the earth during Samhain.

Being that the “barrier is thin” I will talk about films dealing with otherworldly forces trying to break through.  Frani and I watched two, actually. 

The Argentinian When Evil Lurks, and the indy, The Dark and the Wicked.  They both have similarities.  In both, evil is working its way through our cast members like a virus, but controlling them isn’t their ultimate goal. 

In When Evil Lurks, the evil wants to “birth itself” from a “possessed one” into physical form to do God knows what.  The damage it’s done while spreading like a satanic Covid on steroids is so bad, I shudder to think what could be worse. 

In The Dark & The Wicked, it’s been waiting for weeks to control a man’s dying body once he crosses the ethereal plain.  The family around is slow to pick up on that, and manipulated in terrifying ways. You’re on edge from the start. Creeping dread and a ghoulish score make sure that’s the case. 

I highly recommend both films.  They’re steeped in oppressive dread, and make your jaws drop to the floor in a number far exceeding your average horror film.  Yeah, these are perfect for Samhain, when that border between the living and dead is supposedly at its thinnest. 

But in these two films, what’s on the other side ain’t pretty. 

Like Mee-Maw says in The Dark & The Wicked, “Y’all should go.”.  And you should go with the first instincts of our main characters in When Evil Lurks, and just run. 

But these are horror movies, and no one ever does the smart thing. 

Book of the Day: Illustrated Dracula and Lichter Road

Back in the days spinner racks were part of my life.  Comic books were in my DNA, as you would know if you have done much reading on this site.  My mom was a Kohl’s grocery shopper before Herb decided to go strictly retail.  On a grocery trip one afternoon, I saw a spinner rack in the cooled foods section which was at the stores front as soon as you walked in, to the left.

But these were not comics. 

Well, sort of.  They were stiffly bound black and white hand drawn versions of classic novels.  Flipping through a copy of Classics Illustrated Dracula, I fell in love with the condensed story and the top flight Nelson Rodondo artwork.  Mom, I suppose glad it wasn’t Batman or Daredevil again, gladly purchased it. 

The next day, I got up on a warm summer morning, grabbed my Dracula and a few other comics, and headed to the garage to pick up the lengthened lawn chair made of aluminum tubes and polypropylene straps.  I walked all of this out to our Lichter Road front yard on a day where the sky was a vibrant pastel blue. It was a day so clear you could make out Lake Michigan's dark line on the horizon to the east.

As I lay there reading Stokers classic on a still late eerily silent morning, a wind gust came along. A blast of air powerful enough to pick the lawn chair up with me in it, and send it airborne to my left before dropping me hard to the ground on my side. Initially I feared a tornado, as I got up, spinning about to locate any twisters descending from the sky.  

The sky was just as clear and azure blue as it was moments before, so I began chasing my comics around  in a panic as the wind tossed them in a violent flurry about the yard. 

Then it all stopped.  The wind died.  It was gone as quickly as it had arrived, and the stillness that was there was now back.  No movement whatsoever.  

Fuck that.  I picked up my comics, Dracula included, and headed back to the house.  I saw no dust, but I supposed it was warm enough for a “Dust Devil” and I had read about how strong they could get, and didn’t need thundercloud sourcing to appear and whip things about.

And I knew about the myths involving angry spirits manifesting themselves in this way.  

I would read inside for the rest of the day.