The Awesomeness of Anchor Bay: did They Launch the Horror Boutique?

There aren't too many of us that collect physical media anymore.  I mean, even the most recent of the formats, the CD, in terms of audio that is,  has gone the way of the dustbin.  Cast aside by the streaming monsters, be it Spotify, Apple Music, or Amazon's Alexa connection. However, there has been a bit of a resurgence in that CD department according to several articles I've read.  

Even so, vinyl outsells compact discs by a large margin.  The long thought dead format has shown a decade long unforeseen comeback that has put it in the billion dollar annual range in terms of sales. 

But I'm not talking about audio here. 

Right now film collectors, myself included, have many options to choose from among companies that remaster films for blu ray, and bundle them with bonus features and packaging bells and whistles.  These compete with the streaming services, and the reason they do well is the streamers don't offer a choice of picture quality, framing, commentaries, permanency of location, or sundry other options the physical products bring.  Actually, I've clicked on more that one film in recent months where the image was blurred, sized down to about 2/3 of the screen it occupied the center of, and sounded awful.  Truly a disappointment, but lucky me, I had both films on a physical format anyway. 

And really that's largely the reason for the argument made by most in the collector community why they do it. 

There wasn't always a ton of options.  Now, however, you have Scream Factory (an imprint of the long successful Shout!), Vinegar Syndrome, Arrow, and up and comers like Synapse, Severin, and Scorpion, and some European folks like 88 and Second Sight.  The overseas folks are starting to make their products available in Region 1 (to those not in the know, that means they can be viewed here in the States and Canada) and Australia's Umbrella Entertainment has brought limited amounts of re-releases into the American market. 

Let's not forget Kino Lorber.  They don't always pack the bells and whistles, but they include not just genre selections, but classic films that go way back to old school cinema, even digging up a few previously thought to be lost titles.  The variety KL provides is quite broad, but the most recently dated stuff mostly falls into the cult category.  Oddly, they released the nuclear nightmare fuel The Day After from 1983, but it must have been pressed only once.  I know this for a couple of reasons, one being because it's not available on their website any longer. The other reason is I tried to buy it once, and most folks on eBay want more than 130.00 for the damn thing.  I guess I'll have to stick with the MGM DVD copy I bought 12 years ago at an exchange for $3.99.  

Yes. I'm a collector.  But not like the ones with Instagram and YouTube accounts, or webpages.  Those folks, surrounded by thousands of titles, are either loaded, or are shipped freebies for talking about the product. I'm frugal for two reasons.  

A.  I don't have money falling out of my asshole. 

B.  The hunt is most of the fun.  Many times I have put a title back down on the shelf, or ignored its internet posting, due to the asking price. But eventually, months or years later, I'm able to track it down for a much, much more affordable rate.  For some reason, that feels like a victory.

I'm digressing. 

I'm going to go back to pre-boutique here, because really that's my point.  Back in the late 90's and early 2000's, a company called Anchor Bay was digging up slashers from the 70's and early 80's and re-releasing them.  They weren't 2K scans or anything, but the picture quality was generally greatly improved from previous offerings, and they often contained bonus features (frequently new to that disc's release) and a card with the original poster art that you could slip over their generally below Photoshop quality reworking of the cover.  

One of the flagship titles of Anchor Bay was the Evil Dead trilogy.  As a matter of fact, Bruce Campbell mentions in an interview during a Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs screening of Maniac Cop (now available on Synapse!) how much he wanted to thank Anchor Bay for their involvement in keeping the Deadites alive and kicking in the public eye. The other being John Carpenter's masterwork Halloween, along with its sequels, the less than overwhelming Halloween 4 and the abysmal Halloween 5.  The repeated repackaging, remastering, and re-releasing of these titles kept Anchor Bay's cashflow most likely humming along in the horror department.  Many of their  other titles were numbered and those that weren't were really cool one-offs (Fade to Black, The Norliss Tapes, Charles Martin Smith's Trick or Treat) that weren't seen again, or at least, not for many years. 

And it must be noted, that before Second Sight came along,  Anchor Bay was the home of George A. Romero's Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead on DVD.  My Dawn of the Dead Ultimate Edition, bought about 3 years before it's price went out the ridiculosity window due to the fact that it must have only been pressed that one time, is one of my prized Anchor Bay items. 

Mind you, the horror genre weren't the only oars that kept the Anchor Bay boat afloat, as they distributed kiddie powerhouse Thomas the Tank Engine from 1995 to 2008.  That was a major cash cow, I'm sure. 

Actually, pre-DVD, I had a slick-ass clamshell Anchor Bay VHS of the 20th anniversary of John Carpenter's Halloween that I wish I still had, but that's neither here nor there.  The point is Anchor Bay was keeping collectible horror afloat for quite a long time. 

Back in the early days of my collecting, my kiddo and myself were always excited when the fall Anchor Bay displays came out in department stores to coincide with Halloween, brandishing many horror titles to pick and choose from.  This is where I got C.H.U.D., Phantasm, Lightning Bug, Hellraiser, among others.  

I guess my question is were they the predecessor or even the impetus for the modern-day genre boutique titles?  After all, (with the exception of arthouse monsters Criterion) they were probably the only ones repackaging mostly genre films, cleaning them up, and putting them out on disc with bonus features.  Other outfits may have been releasing old flicks, but often the image and sound were terrible and you were lucky to even sniff closed captioning, let alone a director's commentary on those things. 

Regardless, among other physical media geeks, the name Anchor Bay usually draws a nod and a wink, and I'm often stunned at how many of those titles I still have, including numbered tin-cased Evil Dead II and Hellraiser pieces.  

The last I heard Anchor Bay's library belongs to Lionsgate, the house that Saw built.  Someone else bought the Anchor Bay name with the intention of once again doing what they did back in the day. Without access to their original library, and the competition from Scream, Arrow and the like, all I can say is I wish them well.  It will be difficult ground to hoe. 

But back in the day, whether at K-Mart, Shopko, Wal-Mart, or Best Buy, my eyes were always on the lookout for the white rectangle with the blue sailboat. 

Maybe they did, or maybe they didn't launch the concept of the boutique.  Either way, they were something completely different in their era, and really the only one consistently holding that line. 

What's the Deal With Lucio?

Among horror aficionados, Lucio Fulci is a legend. 

The question is why?  

So I went searching for answers.  He made many films and shows before and after the series of flicks that garnered him his status as horror film "genius".  Folks like Guillermo Del Toro and Eli Roth are huge Fulci geeks, so I figured there had to be something there. 

In 1990, I had seen Zombie, the notorious flick he is most famous for.  I don't recall being blown away by it at age 19.  Being that a friend at the time (dude was utter scum, I'd realize later) and I viewed it as the follow up to Dawn of the Dead during a Saturday of horror film viewing, that spot in our running order may have set it up for failure. 

When one factors in the tidbit that Fulci tagged the film with the moniker Zombie 2, so it could be thought a sequel to Romero's Dawn of the Dead, as George's film was called Zombi in Italy.  it was cheapened beyond its mere inferiority (not in Italy apparently, however.)

To begin my study of what is known as Fulci's Quadrilogy, I rewatched Zombie and couldn't explain what made it better 32 years later.  Another viewing would narrow the answer down. 

Using Joe Bob Briggs' Last Drive In series to guide me through The House By the Cemetery and The Beyond was very helpful. Helpful despite guest Eli Roth's rationalizing Briggs' very legitimate questions, (in the case of House).  He claims to be providing answers but they're more like excuses. The factoids from interviewees and opinion makers otherwise shed some interesting light on what are very confusing fucking films.  I then viewed Gates of Hell/City of the Living Dead on Tubi and completed the "Gates" quadrilogy. 

I still have no clue despite the guiding hand of these "experts" (some of whom worked with Fulci) through 3 of the 4 films.  (I rewatched Zombie a 3rd time with Joe Bob's assist once.)  Fulci doesn't write his own films, but it doesn't forgive the fact that they lazily make no sense individually or collectively beyond a few moments used to set up the very thin bones of a "story".  If you can call it that. 

1.) Zombie  So a ghost boat floats into New York Harbor.  A zombie is on it, who attacks a member of the coast guard.  (Or poorly costumed policeman). It turns out the craft belongs to the father of Mia Farrow's sister, Tisa.  She pairs up with a local journalist (Shakespearean actor Ian McCullough) and heads for an island in the Caribbean. (thin plot line shows that's where Farrow's old man is).  There, Richard Johnson is treating people who are sick and returning to life to eat people.  

These are cannibalistic voodoo zombies brought back by an off screen witch doctor (?).  Admittedly the constant drumming is an eerie effect, as you realize it's not part of the score, but coming from elsewhere on the island as part of this dead-raising ritual.  Farrow & McCullough pick up a couple as transport to the island, which gives us an opportunity for the most gratuitous scene of nudity I've ever encountered.  It also gives us a shark/zombie fight. 

ugh.  

They reach the island, where eventually a shard of wood punctures the eye (the victim chooses not to use her hands for some reason) thanks to the the aim of a member of the walking dead. There's zombies a flamin', gun shots a boomin', and conquistadors a risin'.  Eventually we end up back in NY, where that one bitten Coast Guard (or cop) officer apparently has set off an apocalyptic zombie outbreak.  I think pure mathematics would rule that out, but I'm not Lucio Fulci.  

This is the most narrative Fulci provides.  Ever.  However that final shot on the Brooklyn Bridge is a fuckin' banger. If that ain't sellin' the end of the order of things, I don't know what is. 

2. Gates of Hell (1980)   It seems a priest hangs himself in Dunwich, Connecticut (?).  In New York, a medium remote views it happening. The suicide has opened a gate to hell.  How?  (Fuck if I know). So early 80's horror icon Christopher George (journalist) picks up Christiana McColl (her first of 3 Fulci flicks.  This is a fact she long left off her resume), and heads to Dunwich (probably trying to reference Lovecraft, but this is the only way Lucio does so) to close the gate.   They gather up some locals to accomplish this and the most non-sensical ending I've experienced occurs, after a massive ruckus.  There is no true plot here, just an opportunity for some seriously gratuitous gore.  And there's a lot of it. 

3. The Beyond (1981). In the 1920's a local artist is crucified.  Why?  (Fuck if I know).  60 years later, a woman buys a Louisiana hotel which is not only where the artist was butchered by locals, it's also one of 7 doorways to Hell.  A plumber opens it by smacking a basement wall.  With a hammer.  (Somehow it seems like something like that should be more difficult).  How does this connect to the death of the painter?  (Fuck if I know).  People become blind, zombies show up.  Why?  (Fuck if I know).  Also, there's no reference to where the other 6 doors to hell are.   This movie is a narrative mess, but Fulci freaks love it and I guess praise it as a viscerally raw art film. 

4. House by the Cemetery  A girl's face shows up, staring out the window of a house in a photograph of our family of protagonists.  That's pretty creepy as she appears terrfied.  Then our family moves to Massachussets. What is it with the NY/NE paradigm in these films?  The paradigm is to give the father the common employment of being a "researcher", the most vague job in cinema history. 

Weird shit begins to happen left and right.  In a completely inexplicable scene, the nanny (?) appears to be attempting to unlock the basement with a crowbar in middle of the night to which Pops screams "ANNE!!!".  

Then you have close ups of eyes back and forth about eight times.  Leone in the house here?

Then it's suddenly the next day (?).  (The Fuck, editor?). Murders of the grisliest variety begin to happen in the house, with victims dragged to the basement.  Dad has to drive to NY to get permission from his boss to change research directions (did you install a phone, dude?), and when he comes back, he has all the answers to the hideousness related to the killings and the mysteries related to the first owner of the house. (We do NOT see how he got this information).  

Then some shit happens at the end.  I'm exhausted. 

NOW!

Fulci has some filmmaking gifts.  He frames shots extremely well, his camera movement is superior, and he doesn't need day for night at all. Considering the budgets, his night time filming is excellent.  The practical effects are pretty solid for the time, some very good scores add to the atmospheres that grow throughout the films. 

However, these movies make absolutely no sense.  The stories are barely carrying narrative.  Fulci is obsessed with filming eyeballs.  It's almost comical, whether zooming in on them, or destroying them, or covering them with what had to be painful contact lenses. 

He does build suspense as well as anyone of the era, but only within the confines of a specific scene.  Not throughout the picture, as a movie has to make narrative sense to accomplish that goal.  He refreshingly doesn't rely on sexual violence. At least in the films I'm examining here.  This is kind of a surprise, especially for the era, as his alleged real life disdain for any woman that wasn't his daughter is legendary. 

So, in the end, his films look great, often even beautiful, whilst being frequently gruesome as shit (which he dwells on), so with that combination, my findings are Lucio Fulci creates car accidents.  

They're awful, but you can't look away.

The Santa Project '24: Violent Night

Violent Night was an absolute blast. And a pretty interesting look at class warfare between the wealthy and even more wealthy. David Harbour, much like Mel Gibson in Fatman, is a fed up Santa Claus.  One who is tired of kids who don’t really want anything more than cash and video games and don’t appreciate the holidays anymore. He starts the film by getting drunk in a bar in England and throwing up on the bartender as she watches in awe as he flies away in his sleigh. 

Harbour is perfect in this part. Actually, he’s downright fantastic.  the viciousness that you saw in some of his early work, such as The Equalizer and A Walk Among the Tombstones is there, but balances out with the edgy softness he displays often as Hopper when it comes to children. 

This example of Santa Claus was once a warrior that’s over 1100 years old; a fascinating take that isn’t explored very deeply by director Tommy Wirkola, but nonetheless Santa brings that former part of his history's hammer, the aptly named Skull Crusher, into the fight with you got it, terrorists. 

But wait these aren’t exactly terrorists. These are thieves led by a hilarious John Leguizamo, who just happens to hate Christmas, and some turncoats that are stealing already stolen money from an extremely wealthy family on Christmas Eve during a holiday party in their palatial estate. Violence breaks out when Santa Claus, still rough and tumble, but has the vulnerability that comes with rustiness, decides to intervene in a very Die Hard like manner. This mansion may as well be Nakatomi Plaza.  

Hey! It's good to see Beverly D’Angelo return to the screen. 

The fight choreography as well as the humor is definitely in abundance here, as is the gore you need to be prepared for.  As a matter of fact Violent Night comes off as a nifty combination of Die Hard 2 and Home Alone, just caked in claret. 

Before you blow this off as another holiday film drenched in violence to reach out to a certain audience, explore the relationship between Harbour and the little girl, Trudy, stuck in the middle of all this. It’s legitimately touching and has enough weight to it to make this work as a Christmas film, despite the bloodshed.  

Especially when the little girl brings Home Alone into it against a couple of the punk thugs. In my opinion, that segment is far more entertaining than the Macaulay Culkin film that inspired the sequence.  Actually, early on, Trudy does her Culkin impression, showing a parents' reaction that most of us adults have to that particular piece of holiday cinema.  Irritation.

Fatman And Violent Night would make a great double feature, and I may consider doing that sometime soon. Move over Lethal Weapon and Die Hard. You got a pair of action flicks that are moving into your territory for the holidays. 

Auld Lang Psychopaths: Terror Train

The 1980 slasher flick Terror Train wasn't half bad actually.  It's blessed with a solid story, and decent young actors.  Old Hollywood legend Ben Johnson (many of you horror afficianados will know him as the Texas Ranger from The Town That Dreaded Sundown) helps ground performances that may have otherwise gotten out of control.  This was one of Jamie Lee Curtis' Scream Queen flicks before she jumped that ship, and believe it or not it presents a very young David Copperfield as "The Illusionist".

   

Oh yeah, and the biggest asshole in the cast is played by Hart Bochner, who many would know from the Christmas Classic Die Hard as the co-worker of Holly Gennaro who gets himself killed by claiming to be a friend of John McClane's.  With coke on his mustache, and Coke in his glass,  he gets that smug grin blown off of his face by Hans Gruber.  Bochner has a gift for playing dickheads.

Terror Train starts simply enough with a bunch of Freshman sorority members partying down and pulling a pretty dark prank on a helpless geek who ends up in a mental hospital as a result.  Jamie Lee Curtis is reluctantly involved in the cold hearted gag initiated by Bochner's soulless character. 

We jump three years forward and these same Med Students are going to celebrate New Year's Eve partying it up on a luxury train complete with a band, costumes, and David Copperfield's magic gymnastics.  The only problem is someone is murdering people on the train.  Is it our helpless gag victim from the beginning, or someone else?

The film is actually well written, with solid dialogue and acting from the students to the veteran Johnson as the train's conductor.  All these characters are pretty well set up from the get-go, and you get to know most of them fairly well, which makes you care just a little bit more than you would in your average slasher film when they meet their unfortunate fates.

Technically the film has a lot going for it.  It truly was shot on a train and not a set (according to Eli Roth's History of Horror) causing tricky lighting requirements provided by cinema legend John Alcott, whose career only includes A Clockwork Orange, Barry Lyndon, The Shining, No Way Out, and Vice Squad, among others.  Director Roger Spottiswoode, who would go on to a long and successful career keeps things tight and moving, and gets decent work from his actors and crew.  This couldn't have been an easy shoot. 

Kudos to all involved, and if it's New Year's horror you're looking for, Terror Train is a pretty good ride. 

Auld Lang Psychopaths: New Years Evil

 

Don't you hate blown concepts?  Like a story with potential winding up being made into a crappy movie?  Well, welcome to New Years Evil.

It seems we have a television hostess, whose program will ring in the new year in all of the time zones while people call in and tell her what they think the best song of the year is.  A pair of new wave-ish bands play along with the happenings, one called Shadow, the other, Made In Japan.  To be honest, the tunes aren't bad despite the bands looking like complete caricatures of what they are supposed to be.  Our host gets a phone call from someone calling himself the uber-original name of "Evil", and says he will kill someone as each time zone rings in the new year.  And he goes about doing this.  

Sadly, with no suspense, drama, and even less acting.  Don't get me wrong, the production values are there (This was a 1980 Cannon Film, so Menachem and Yorum were looking to jump on the holiday slasher genre bandwagon, and they spent the money), but the concept of the story is fleshed out terribly. 

Our star, the rockin' New Year Lady, looking to take over the ratings of the big networks with her low-budget program (I kept questioning that if the nets were occupied with her competition, who was carrying her show?) is played by none other than Roz Kelly,  aka Pinky Tuscadero of Happy Days infamy.  Our slasher, (in a not half bad performance from Kip Niven) does not have his face hidden, though his identity is supposed to be.  It would take someone with the IQ of a fencepost (thanks, Tom Waits) to not be able to piece together who he is from the first 5 minutes of dialogue, however. 

Some generic cops get involved, all while our killer gets sidetracked in a fairly humorous fashion by crashing into bikers while lost in thought, wearing various cheesy disguises to acquire his victims, and none of this impedes his perfectly feathered hair.   Meanwhile, our rockin' host's son starts popping drugs, and wandering around doing weirder and weirder shit leading to a completely predictable set of circumstances at the finale. 

There is however a terrific comic monologue from a future victim, as she rambles on about moving from the midwest, and the slew of mind/spirit expansion cults she's joined. (I wonder if Keith Raniere watched this movie?)  She even lists them all  in hilarious fashion.  If only the rest of the writing had achieved the level that sequence did, this could have been a hell of a movie with the fairly nifty plot device its writers hatched. 

Oh, well.  It was 1980.  What are ya gonna do?

Santa Project : Sacrifice Game

 Well, I do love a good Christmas horror movie and I found one this year, from the shudder streaming service.  It’s A little movie called The Sacrifice Game which takes place in late December of 1971. 

It’s definitely a genre blender, which features the elements of Charles Manson type mass murders, home invasion thriller, and the demonic supernatural. The characters are pretty well performed all the way through by mostly new faces. 

I've got to give credit for the performances of our two leads, two girls left behind over the Christmas break in their private school. That sort of makes this a tonal inversion of  The Holdovers, running currently at a theater near you. 

There’s also a gang of four murderous individuals, vaguely reminiscent of the vile drug-addled perverts  from The Last House on the Left, who are the instigators of all the horror that becomes the crux of the plot, as you know the two parties will end up clashing.  The difference between this and Last House is the question of who the actual victims will end up being and a twisty reason for that question.  Also, watch for a connection at the end that is obviously inspired by the tremendous Let the Right One In. 

If you’re looking for a good horror movie this Christmas that is directly related to Christmas, But is not about murderous Santas, Jack Frosts, or gingerbread men, the first choice I would make would be The Sacrifice Game, as it has unpredictability by the stockingful to offer. 

Santa Project: It’s a Wonderful Life/Knife

Last night for the first time in many many years I saw It's a Wonderful Life.  It actually may be the first time I’ve seen the movie all the way through, a sentiment mentioned in The Ref by one of the cops in what may be the dumbest police force ever filmed. 

Regardless, Life is a terrific movie led by an incredibly layered performance by James Stewart.  Stewart plays George Bailey, a guy that wants to get out and see it all and in the process keeps getting stopped from doing so. His family owns a small but thriving business that helps people in their adorable community of Bedford Falls. Due to circumstances beyond his control, he ends up being the guy that has to sit there year after year and keep the business afloat.  Especially with the rotten Republican action figure Mr. Potter floating around the town trying to take what he can from who he can.

George marries Donna Reed and has multiple children, and helps hundreds of people achieve the residential dreams they never thought possible.  Through no fault of his own,  his life events eventually lead down a dark path. It’s one in which he finds himself wishing that he was never born. 

 

 It's a Wonderful Knife presents the same concept. We have our female lead, Winnie, who kills a serial murderer in a small town called Angel Falls. Despite her saving many people with the heroic act, the serial killer has done enough damage to her family to make life miserable,  and as she wanders through the dust covered aftermath of the serial killers attack, she also find herself wishing she wasn’t alive. 

A very effective northern lights comes along and twists her world into circles, much the way Clarence does in It's a Wonderful Life,  resulting in her getting to see what her hometown would be like if she was never born, much the same way that Jimmy Stewart does in Life. 

Now, Life is a classic family film through and through, some younger folks may find it “a granny film” as John Lennon used to say about some of Paul’s cornier songs.  It’s one of those heartwarming movies that makes your eyes wet a little bit at the end. It's a Wonderful Knife, however is a true slasher film. there definitely is blood and guts galore, but unlike many of the other  Christmas horror films of late, it has an uplifting scenario similar in some affect to Life, but with modern flavorings. 

I recommend both these movies; obviously Knife is not necessarily for everyone because the gore is definitely on display. Mr. Potter is one evil motherfucker in the original Life, and in the new horror styled remake Justin Long is the town‘s rich asshole, played wonderfully and he looks as stupid as the shit he yaks continuously. He’s a spray-tan, fake giant front-teethed version of Mr. Potter through and through, except he's hilarious to watch.  Another big difference is in this case he has turned our female lead’s father into a modern day version of A Christmas Carol’s Bob Cratchet, an element that does not exist in the original. 

Both of these movies should be enjoyed by their proper audiences and I found myself taken in on a very deep level by both Jimmy Stewart and Jane Widdop’s Winnie in Knife. The word “proper” is important here as I am capable of enjoying a movie made some 77 years ago, and also capable of enjoying a movie with blood and guts galore, and containing elements of the LGBTQ community that would offend some of today’s older viewers. 

The fact that There is a “proper” audience for either is a crying shame.

The Santa Project: The Ref

    

Not too far down the road, I'll be posting a piece about Italian film director Lucio Fulci and his Gates of Hell trilogy.  But right now I'm going to be talking about one piece of another trilogy.  A trilogy I like to call The Unleashing of Denis Leary's Talent trilogy.  Those 3 films are as follows:

Monument Ave.

Judgment Night

The Ref

The Ref is a great 1993 comedy that also fits into my Top 5 Christmas films list.  For posterity's sake, here are those:

Gremlins

Die Hard

The Ref

Grumpy Old Men

Black Christmas (1974)

The Ref feels like a traditional holiday film at the jump.  During the credits, you get a sweeping long take of an adorable Connecticut town warming up its Christmas Eve activities.  As the credits end, the camera swings up to a marriage counselor's office (a young BD Wong, for all you Jurassic Park and Law & Order: SVU fans) dealing with what must (God help him) be his final clients of the day.  These two venomous individuals are Caroline and Lloyd, played by a spellbinding Judy Davis and snarky Kevin Spacey (yeah. I know.).  Davis' performance is so wide-ranging and powerful, shredded with emotion, that it kind of pissed me off that she was passed over for an Oscar nom that year.  Truthfully, Its strength helps draw your attention away from Spacey.  Anyway, Caroline and Lloyd are on the back end of a 15 year marriage, and both are so gifted with the verbal jab, that there's no way they can possibly find a way to cooperate, much less mend. 

The Ref gains its momentum when Denis Leary botches a robbery, and is forced to abduct Lloyd and Caroline as a ride and eventually providers of a place to hole up while he resets.  Unfortunately for Leary's character, Gus, he has to try to balance his criminal escape while Caroline and Lloyd are practically tearing each others' throats out. This is all in the midst of waiting for Lloyd's family to arrive for an annual Christmas dinner gathering, and the return home of the couple's juvenile delinquent son. Also, our darling Connecticut town is on the lookout for Gus as the botched robbery is following him like the plague. 

The true joy of The Ref is not just the whip-smart dialogue, verbal repartee, (which explodes when Lloyd's annoying family arrives pushing Gus to the edge of madness) and sharp-as-hell casting, but its heart.  Gus seems to be just soft enough to inadvertently provide Caroline and Lloyd with the ability to truly see each other, but fashions himself into a sword to be used to defend themselves in ways they have been needing to do for many years against many people.  Miracle on 34th Street it aint, but The Ref definitely has enough holiday lift to warrant repeat viewings over the years. 

Or maybe I'm just a sick bastard who has known too many people like this, and likes to see just desserts given, even if in fictional form.

The Gobble Project: Black Friday

I did Black Friday once.  Just to say I did it.  I dragged my ass out of bed at 4:00 AM the day after Thanksgiving, braved the crowds and the cold, and did the bulk of my Christmas shopping on the day of savings.  

I'll never do it again, but at least I lived, and have a story to tell. 

But that's for another day.  I'm here to talk about the movie.  Black Friday is a horror comedy about zombie-like hive-minded creatures attacking retail outlets all over what has to be Illinois (Schaumburg is referenced) on Black Friday.  I don't know what the big deal is, as these monsters don't behave a whole lot different than Black Friday shoppers do in general, knocking people down, beating them and eating their flesh, but I digress. 

These creatures have some sort of goal, though. Their hive minds have them creating something.  Something pink and awful. 

The store this film is centered around is called WeLuvToys and the employees thoughts on the matter of toys varies and do not necessarily correspond with the name of the establishment they are working for. 

It's a motley bunch, consisting of Devon Sawa as our main character.  Sawa was never a big youth star but led several big named films such as Final Destination and Idle Hands, and in his youth even did a fairly intense Lifetime film called Night of the Twisters.  (Yes, I did write the last part of that sentence).  As he's reached his 40's, he's actually a fairly compelling screen presence, which shows here and in other films like the terrific Hunter Hunter.  He holds this down fairly well. 

You have Ivana Baquero (who was Ofelia in Guillermo Del Toro's masterful Pan's Labyrinth), young Ryan Lee, and Stephen Peck who all acquit themselves well here, especially considering the light weight of the material.  

Martial Arts Legend Michael Jai White (who could have really been used a lot more and to greater effect) and Bruce Campbell (who needs no introduction) round out the cast.  

The practical effects are nicely done by OG Robert Kurtzman (he of KNB FX fame), and considering the fact that Bruce Campbell produced this flick, it's no shocker they got Bob involved. 

As scary as zombies with an agenda are, the movie really is very funny.  I laughed out loud at least 3 or 4 times at dialogue and events, and this is helped by how well these characters are fleshed out from the beginning.  They all have identifying and unique personalities and traits and oddly, Sawa in the lead may be the least original of all of them despite his poor man's Matt Damon presence.  Some of the dialogue is very sharp, and there's some so quick-you-may-miss-it social commentary sprinkled throughout.

I highly recommend this for Thanksgiving AND Christmas, and due to this film will be adding Dour Dennis to my Christmas List. 

David Keith/Keith David Part Two

Many thanks to those who read about the wonderful (and weird) career of David Lemuel Keith.

Now what about Keith David?   Like David Keith, you know him.  Like David Keith, his face may not pop up into your head when hearing his name,

but when you hear his voice.....

God-tier vocal work.  A rich rumble-of-God excursion of rolling thunder that is unmistakable.

He's a classically trained actor, and it shows in his skilled work. 

But you know his face too....

The early part of his career he featured in John Carpenter roles, as Childs in The Thing and Frank in They Live.   Those are just the beginning.  Despite his intimidating stature (and voice), the man is capable of a broad type of performance.  Comedy?  Dude, he's the best thing about the overrated There's Something About Mary, and how about that looney performance in Emilio Estevez' underrated Men at Work?  High Drama?  That's what he's known for, as he debuted as King in Oliver Stone's Platoon, and his filmography includes An Eye for an Eye, The Riddick films, Transporter 2, Sam Raimi's western The Quick and the Dead, and  Michael Bay's Armageddon, among many, many others. 

Like his name reversal counterpart, he had the ability to be the epitome of kindness, gentle in motion and voice.  And with the same tools, be intimidating as hell.

Thusly, big and small screen have enjoyed his presence as well as the stage for decades, as he has been nominated for and won more than one Emmy and a Tony. 

And the man possesses what may be the best voice in animation working for the last 25 years.  Just see the video above.  It speaks (literally) for itself.

The world needs more Keith Davids, because there aren't many.

David Keith/Keith David Part One

Now, one may be thinking I'm doing this because of the fact that these two gentleman's names are reversals of one another's, and therefore there is comic value.

Wrong.  (Well, maybe a little.)

I am a huge fan of both, and have been for decades.  And in many ways, chronologically and cinematically their careers parallel.

Unlike Keith David, David Keith is not classically trained, but peruse this piece of information and learn that he paid his dues learning his craft:

I'll start with David Keith because during the very early 80's he was frequently a major player in big budget films.  (And I took notice of many on Spectrum!)  He appeared in large roles in Take This Job and Shove It, Firestarter,  The Lords of Discipline (disappointing, but it is based on one of my favorite novels of all time), Brubaker, White of the Eye (An inexplicable and beautifully shot suspense film that paves the normal 80's murder mystery path before having a not unwelcome third act seizure), and Gulag, as well as supporting parts in An Officer and A Gentleman (earning a golden globe nomination), The Rose, and Back Roads. 

 

There were missteps, of course.  During that 80's run, He directed The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck, complete with notorious tone-deaf and disturbing moments that would have cultivated the same controversy as Revenge of the Nerds' cringe-inducing waterbed Darth Vader scene, if it had achieved the same success and following as Revenge.

However he must be commended for having the cojones to take on H.P. Lovecraft's Colour out of Space in his film, The Curse.  Many said it couldn't be filmed.  He gave it a shot.  Good luck finding it.  It doesn't appear to be streaming and the Scream Factory blu appears to be an expensive rarity.

He has popped up in many television, film and direct to video roles and continues to do so to this day.  Active recurrently in occasional "A-film" roles such as uber-asshole slugger Jack Parkman in Major League II,  "The Devil" Jack Murdock in Mark Steven Johnson's unfairly maligned (especially if you watch the Director's Cut) Daredevil, and one of McConaughey's right hand men in Jonathan Mostow's eternally underrated U-571.  (He also seems to play dudes named Jack a lot).  He did a fine job as the doubtful detective tracking desperate thief James Spader in the underrated The Stick-Up. 

The 2000's for the most part have offered more than its fair share of less than comparative quality, but he's still there.

Keith has the rare ability to be both menacing and kind-hearted, and despite his not cracking the "actor's A-list", that versatility has kept him employed. 

A burly guy from Tennessee (the college hat worn several times in White of the Eye, despite his character being from Tucson) with a borderline southern accent, piercing eyes, and a twisty grin, he's a "Hey! it's that guy!" familiar face to many.  One of those actors like the terrific Treat Williams, who must have either had an ineffectual agent or just made bad choices for roles. Constantly busy, but not appearing in too many blockbuster films.  

He was this damn close, though.

As I said, however, he's still working to  this day.  I've seen him guest star on major television series like Law & Order: SVU (an effective appearance, this), Hawaii Five-O, among many others, and in many supporting film roles, and he also has a few upcoming movies and a series in the pipe.  Socially active, he’s a voice against sexual assault and trafficking.

I liked him a lot in his youth, as his voice and intensity did set him apart from a large portion of his peers. I regarded him as one of my favorite actors as a kid. He hasn’t gone anywhere, but it’s unfortunate he didn't catch that wind of superstardom.  Since the late-90's kicked in, the level of material dwindled, but he's been an effective and busy movie journeyman, one whose name and screen presence at least carried the juice to get him leads in direct-to-video films for a substantial period of time.  

Let’s just say if David’s in it, I'm probably interested.

Striking Moments from Largely Forgotten Films

 I don't know what possessed me to write this piece, but I've always been a fan of the underdog, and have always been one myself.  So, for some reason I started racking my brain for moments that "popped" in movies that didn't. There's art in them there films, even in possibly small stretches.

1.  Halloween II  (2009). 

Rob Zombie's much maligned sequel to his own remake has a lot wrong with it.  However, there's a scene, a gut-wrenching piece of maestro-level acting from Brad Dourif, that literally had me in tears.  Dourif, who many know as the town doctor in Deadwood and poor Billy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, plays the cynical Sherriff Brackett (the role that belonged to Charles Cyphers in the original) and he's just found out his beloved daughter Annie has been murdered.  The grief shown is of the heart-rending variety that I don't think I've seen since Ed Harris' mournful explosion when Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio drowns in The Abyss, or Leonardo DiCaprio's shock over his daughters in Shutter Island, and I've not seen again.

2.  The Puppet Masters (1994).  

The character played by the underused actor Eric Thal, has been released from the grips of a parasitic creature that writer Robert Heinlein's mind envisioned and unleashed upon us all. Later he has a breakdown in the shower in a scene that probably gives decent insight into visualizing drug withdrawal. 

A colleague, played by Julie Warner, attempts to pick the nude Thal up off the shower floor.  (She's unable to because of the size difference, so she merely holds his weeping form).  This is not sexual, it's empathy on full display.  This is true acting at its finest by a pair of then young performers that never really broke that Hollywood ceiling.  The Puppet Masters is an underrated film that deserves re-assessment, but this scene packs one hell of a kick.

3. Deep Rising. (1998).   

Our Hero's sidekick, Kevin J. O'Connor, muse of Stephen Sommers, comes upon the suffering form of antagonist Wes Studi. O'Connor realizes Studi is trapped in a situation he can't escape from, and is enduring a slow and agonizing death.   Despite Studi's character being a murderous insufferable bastard, O'Connor mercifully gives him a handgun so he can end the suffering on his own terms, a largely undeserved gesture.  This is proven when Studi promptly fires the weapon directly at O'Connor.  

Some people don't appreciate or deserve even the smallest favors.  

"Here endeth the lesson." -  Sean Connery, The Untouchables

4.  Lightning Bug. (2008). 

Green Graves is a poor teenage kid who likes to make model creatures ordered (that his mother's cro-magnon boyfriend calls "faggot pottery monsters") from magazines, and creature monster and gore effects.  His mother has dependency issues, (both substance and relationship) and finds herself mercilessly run over and murdered by that piece of shit boyfriend played by Waingro, I mean Kevin Gage, who specializes in pieces of shit.  When Green realizes this, he puts his skills to use.  

Using his make up and effects abilities, he manufactures a situation where Gage's character gets himself shot to death.  After the smoke settles, the kid emerges quietly from the forest behind the trailer where the gunplay occurred, and removes the mask from his face that made it all happen.  This is a fist pumping moment.  

5.  Rookie of the Year (1993). 

 In this silly kids laugher, a 12 year old Thomas Ian Nicholas (future star of American Pie, a film I've proudly never seen) breaks his arm, and after it mends, the over-tightened tendons result in him throwing a 110 MPH fastball.  Needless to say, he ends up with the lowly Chicago Cubs.  Daniel Stern, a perennial Rob Will favorite directed this little jaunt, and makes small appearances as pitching coach Ralph Brickma.  Ralph spends more time dealing with our little lead on the level of conserving airline food than controlling his fastball however.  

He also gets trapped in the gap between the doors of adjoining hotel rooms.

"Little help"

"Little help, now."  he mutters to the ceiling.

Stern's worth the price of admission alone, in fact this applies to all of his films, Home Alone notwithstanding.

Readers?  See C.H.U.D.  You not only get Stern, you get John Heard.  

6. Three O'Clock High.  

In Phil Joanou's debut, 1987's Three O'Clock High, the crux of the plot is Casey Sziemaszko's character, Jerry Mitchell, attempting to avoid a fight with his High School's newest student, uber-hard-ass Buddy Revell.

In a scene late in the film, in desperation, Jerry attempts to pay Revell not to fight with him.  This appears to work, as Richard Tyson (brilliant as Revell) sneers at Jerry and growls,

"You didn't even try.  How does that feel?"  

From the first of many times I've seen the film, I felt that.  Right in the gut.  That disgusted face.  The condescension.  Even at his desire not to get his ass kicked.  Mitchell's full-on attempt at self-preservation. Engaging in an act of self-survival, he gave in to his fear.

And was made to feel like less than a human for it.  And Revell, psychotic turd that he appears to be, has an inkling of truth in his question.   

I'm not gonna lie.  I've used that phrase in insult many times in my life.  "How does that feel?"

Movies I Stayed Up Late For: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

Long before Spectrum, the Saturday Night Movie, (or Friday, or Monday, depending on which one of the 3 networks were rolling a flick) was pretty much the sole source of movie consumption for me as a young budding cinephile. I can remember a specific Friday Night, at about the age of 9, when being babysat by my sister Laurie, (who spent most of the shift on the wall phone) watching the 1978 Philip Kaufman version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I curled up in a giant multi-shade green afghan my Mom had constructed for protection.  

Fam?  You all know the one.

I watched the whole thing mesmerized.  Once again, the concept of being "taken over" by "the other" was one that really had me creeped out as a kid.  I stayed up pretty late for this one, as with commercial interruption, it was pretty lengthy.

Hoping Donald Sutherland (and his afro), Brooke Adams, Jeff Goldblum, and Veronica Cartwright would have an answer for the "pod people's" replication and replacement of the human race was all I had on my mind that evening.  I knew it was fiction, trust me, but the way my mind worked I still required the positive resolution.  Even in the cinematic arena.

    

To this day when discussing truly upsetting or disturbing faire cinematically, my wife likes to remind me:

"It's not real, Rob."  And I do know this.

But I still can fall prey to the darkest of content, and that's why I research the depths of modern horror films and avoid what I believe will stain my heart and soul to the best of my ability.  I just can't go to some corners of others' imaginations.

Anyway, that happy ending in Invasion? It wasn't there for me.  As evidenced by one of the most shocking and derailing moments of 70's cinema, and cinema in general that I had been subjected to at that point.  

And still have been really.

Donald Sutherland's point and screech, and Ms. Cartwrights defeated and agonized wailing. 

To soften that blow, I used the comedy I've written about in Looking For Laughs.  And the magic of Mad Magazine. 

Thanks, usual gang of idiots!

The Santa Project : Fatman

I'm always game for a Christmas movie that's a bit off the beaten path.  And boy did I find it here. 

Now I know a lot of people have their hatred for Mel Gibson.  I'm not going to pretend to know more than what the press has said about his words.  Most of which were said battling alcoholism.  Drunk or not, anti-semitism is stupid and unacceptable. Despite those in his corner, He has apologizing to do. Also, for what it's worth, some teetotalers who've said and done worse, manage to get elected president in this country. 

I'll move on: 

Fatman is a bizarre, but somehow enjoyable Christmas movie where the strangest things happen.  Mel Gibson plays Santa Claus (Chris Cringle, here) and business is bad.  Kids around the world are being assholes, and he's dropping more coal than gifts.  He feels his affect on children around the world is lagging.  That he's failed.

We have a young, rich shithead who literally employs hitmen to do dirty work when he feels wronged.  In this case, the hitman is a wonderful Walton Goggins (Justified, The Unicorn) who also has a history with Santa, so when called into action by this uber-brat for getting coal on Christmas, he's more than eager to take the gig.  Goggins has a serious problem with OCD, as well as letting things go.  The only thing he seems to care about is his hamster.  His sociopathy is almost as bad as the brat who employs him.

As I said earlier, Santa's business is in trouble, so he and the elves take a contract. From the government.  That's right. In order to save Christmas, The Workshop temporarily becomes part of the military-industrial complex.  Now that's hilarious in theory, and in the current modern global zeitgeist, it's fitting.

But yet, the scene where Gibson has to tell the elves of this necessary lowering of themselves is actually pretty powerful.  Mel Gibson plays this role with all the conviction he did Martin Riggs and Max Rockatansky.  Decorated actor Marianne Jean-Baptiste (Jack Ryan) plays his wife, Ruth, and together they actually have some pretty damn strong chemistry.  Ruth is wise, and proves herself the anchor Mrs. Cringle should be. 

The Workshop is adorable, yet rugged enough to fit the film's overall tone.  The elves are mechanical geniuses, dedicated, and in admirable servitude to Christmas and Giving, symbolized by Gibson's Cringle. Santa's impressive lived-in powers come from his generosity.

The film is part comedy, part action, yet neither.  It is such an odd construction that my laughter was mixed with cocked eyebrows quite frequently.  But in a good way. 

I highly recommend Fatman.  Disregard many of the critics, because despite the adult R-rated humor and graphic violence, its heart is in the right place.

The Gobble Project: Pilgrim

 

They tell us the importance of the Thanksgiving holiday is to display how grateful we are for what we have.  That's what they told us when we were kids, as they gave us stories about the holiday's origin: the pilgrims and the Native Americans and the super-hoot they had together,  partying on down with turkeys, cranberries, corn (the Indians called it MAIZE) and ale.  

What a bunch of shit. 

So if a little bloodshed is what you like with your holiday viewing, then Pilgrim is for you.  We start with a short glimpse of a Thanksgiving marriage explosion and our young lead, Cody, has this implanted in her memory from the opening frame.   Quickly jump to the present day, Cody now resides with her Dad, Stepmom and half-brother.  It's Thanksgiving break, they're discussing it as a family and then that is when shit gets weird. 

Mom announces that she has hired some folks that come to your home, dressed in full pilgrim regalia, cook for you, dress up your home, and re-acquaint your fam with what Thanksgiving is all about.  

Yeah, I know, that's some weird shit to begin with.

Only these Mayflower in the Park nutjobs show up a day or two early, and gradually take over the home, trying to implant beliefs, build semi-allegiances, construct a shed by the pool (what the fuck?) before it all gets Helter Skelter.  I'll leave it there, as there is plenty to chew on from that point.  Yes, it becomes the rare Thanksgiving horror film. 

I did enjoy it, as the main cast was very convincing and entertaining, (or this thing would've never worked) it maintained a horro-comedy tone pretty nicely for the most part, and came to a pretty intense and satisfying conclusion and in just under 80 minutes; Pilgrim does not overstay its welcome like the real settlers actually did when they got off the Mayflower.

Just leave the kiddies out of the room for this one.

Canuxploitation: Sudden Fury

 As a first of a series of Canadian flicks of the 70's exploitation age, I'm starting with 1976's Sudden Fury.  A bit of a strange film for sure, as it starts with a single scene with its lead, Dominic Hogan, pensively waiting for someone to arrive as he nurses a cocktail.  Then He makes a phone call to find that the person he's waiting for, obviously his wife or significant other, is not where she's supposed to be. 

You are given immediate empathy for this character.  He appears to be worried sick, almost in a panic.  A true sad sack. 

We then jump cut to the this man and a woman who must be the wife that had him so emotionally disheveled driving in the deep outback of Ontario, Canada, as Hogan decides he wants to take a "short" deviation from their intended destination. 

He wants to show his wife land he would like to develop, and wants her inherited money to make it happen,.  Based on past business failures in ventures like this proposal, his wife, Canadian starlet Gay Rowan, says no.  

Hogan suddenly is one not to be sympathized with so much anymore.  A true psychopath emerges.  Albeit one who resembles a middle-aged Rupert Grint with blond hair and terrible 70's platform shoes.  A lot happens after his initial explosion at Rowan, so I do't want to give a lot away.  Especially since a chunk of this film is very twisty.  

It's not perfect, mind you.  You have a married couple that my wife and I thought were father and daughter showing up. Yes, the age difference is that clear.  The dialogue is a tad immature sounding, and comes off worse when everyone is screaming at one another.  But it doesn't take away from a fine end product. 

Sudden Fury is a truly original screenplay, deviating from the typical excessive violence and creating uncertain anticipation as to where its headed next.  You'll be a touch on the edge of your seat until its somewhat strange denouement, but it's satisfying enough. 

This is the only film directed by Brian Damude, and I think he could have had a reasonable career in filmmaking had he pursued it beyond this number.

Sudden Fury is Canuxploitation at its best here, and I recommend sitting down blind and just letting the film happen.

Maybe set yourself up with some Wilson's soft drinks first, eh?

The Gobble Project: Grumpy Old Men

 Grumpy Old Men is one of my favorite comedies of all time.  Its representation of the upper Midwest is so accurate, that when things are happening out of doors in Mark Steven Johnson's film, I feel like I'm there in the frigid cold and milk-white snow.

And I miss it so much.

The film takes place leading into Thanksgiving.  I love Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon.  They can do no wrong on screen and their presence in this frozen Minnesota wasteland is so true and feels so real that all the pieces of a wonderful holiday movie are in place.

Most disagree on this being a holiday film.  It's the kind of argument had about Die Hard and Lethal Weapon (both Christmas movies by the way).  But if you take this movie apart, its easy to see how it's all there.  The weather-engulfed scenery and hijinks, the families attempting to manage some sort of bonding rituals, and heartwarming results.

Matthau and Lemmon's characters are age-old friends who have been severely arguing off and on for 40 years, basically.  For many reasons.  This time around it's Ann-Margret. 

They refer to each other as "moron" and "putz".  Sometimes with affection, often with venom.  They use the winter elements to prank each other as their common friends watch with dismay and shaking heads.  In essence, they act like 8 year olds in 70 year old bodies.

But it's a touching film too. There is a scene that always gets my eyes to water a bit.  Matthau's character has saved Lemmon's life, as he has suffered a heart attack.  At the hospital, he's asked by the nurse as he's the one who brought him in to the facility, 

"Are you family or friend?"

A short pause, a thousands thoughts cross Matthau's face, and he says, in a raspy tone with shaky enunciation that makes my peepers well up no matter how many times I've seen this film:

"Friend."

Oh, this is a holiday film alright, and a Thanksgiving fit indeed.

Despite the often crass humor, you are gifted with the opportunity to watch the masters of their craft who have worked together nigh on 12 films in their cinematic history.  They were the original Odd Couple and I love them dearly. 

And miss them every day. 

If you want a film about friendship and love, Grumpy Old Men is it.

By the way, both this film and its sequel, Grumpier Old Men,  have the best collection of out-takes at the end that are not in a Jackie Chan film.

The Gobble Project: Home for the Holidays

 

I always found those movies about some guy or gal who had moved far away from home and due to circumstances, whether they be as dark as a funeral, or as typically mundane as the Holidays, comes home.  Good examples:  Beautiful Girls with a lived-in Timothy Hutton, This is Where I Leave You which has slick plot devices and a great cast with Tina Fey, Jason Bateman, and a hilarious Adam Driver.  There's a bunch. 

I've been that person. It's amazing what "home" looks like when you've been away from it forever, from the town you lived in itself, to the places where your parents and siblings now reside.  There's a whole bushel of mental and emotional avalanche that comes with your "return".

For Thanksgiving, there's Home for the Holidays. This dances a fine line.  Holly Hunter and her brother, Robert Downey Jr. are the ones coming home. So, they're kind of alternative rock actors in the first place.  

Well, Downey WAS.

But when these kids come home, there's some deeply buried disdain within the love of this clan.  There's a curiously senile member of the family with a bit of a secret.  Sisters so tightly wound they're gonna snap, at any given moment.  There's poor Charles Durning, who just wants some peace for God's sake, and a transcendent Anne Bancroft trying to hold it all together. 

Every person here is carrying some sort of shit around, but none more than Holly Hunter.  She just lost her job, and her teen daughter has decided making the trip home from Chicago to Baltimore with Mom on Thanksgiving just isn't the shit.  Downey's gay "I don't really give a shit who I offend" brother serves as a buffer for Hunter, but only to a slim degree.  She's got edges of her own to flash.

This may be the angriest holiday film I've ever seen with the exception of Ted Demme's The Ref.  No one is swinging axes, mind you, but there's some sharp dialogue bandied about with barbed edges.  But at the end, family is family, and if one member has to force all these motherfuckers to sit down and be schooled on that fact?

Well, so be it. 

That said, this movie may not be for everyone, but Home for the Holidays has a hell of a lot going for it besides just that terrific cast.  It's underrated, and I think folks ought to take another look at it. 

Maybe this year.