Friday, December 23, 2011

Personal Politics aside...

Okay, everybody knows he yelled at his daughter on her voicemail. He's a father. He didn't get that whippy. Yes, his politics are borderline whippy lefty....Whatever. No one, with the possible exception of Mitch Hedberg on stage and Harold Lloyd on screen has made me laugh as hard as Alec Baldwin. Here are some great clips of the supporting role he had that few know about. He is so funny here....

Some sort of retribution

As a man who looks at the world through a lens that most find me crazy to gaze through, I am sorry I cannot exchange my world view, let alone my eyes.
I see things the way I do thanks to those who raised me and what I took from them.
I see far too many fucking people walking the earth who have hurt others in so many ways, don't seem to mind having done it, and carrying on as if the world were their oyster....

God damn it.

Yes, Michael MacCreary, (and hundreds of thousands of others) I am indeed talking to you. Those that are indifferent are nearly as bad as the perpetrators...
Poor Kitty Genovese, poor Teresa Saldana, I weep for them in my darkest nightmares...the ones that don't involve my own fears.
I do believe in eye for an eye....
God help me, I do, because knowing those conscienceless bastards are cavorting out there while those that burn inside fret about it, is just a further insult. Salt in an already bitter wound....
I can't abide...

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Memory Lone

It's kind of startling to me when I look at friends photo albums from back in the day.
Don't get me wrong, initiial reaction is usually something like "Ah! Look at you!" and then full entrenchment into memory lane ensues....
One night after the laughter died down, and people went home, and the computer was turned off, or the glitter faded, or whatever the fuck you want to call it happened, I scrunched up my brow. Scratched my chin. That one night led to several more afterwards that consisted of me digging.
There were times when I would tear through the small boxes of my extremely compartmentalized and segregated past, searching for photos, memorabilia, and ephemera. time, in tears.
I attended 11 different schools in 2 different states and 3 different cities....after I hit 14, my parents moved me 3 times. I went to 3 high schools in 3 cities.....those photo albums never had a chance. I haven't had a bff since the 6th grade.
Yeah, I know...fuck me, it sounds like whining, here's a kleenex, go away little match girl. I get it.
But this is what I do, this is how I exorcise demons. So the power of Christ is compelling me right now.
I don't have any mistakes in my past, because I never got the chance to make them. I never left any hearts in my wake, because I had no opportunity to break them. I can't share any great teenage love and loss stories that are now fodder for memory lane giggles. I don't have any buddies I can dial up and say "Bro, rememember the time....." and have the conversation end in gales of laughter and tear-stained cheeks.
That's a problem for me. A huge one.
The last known photo taken of me before I turned 19. I was 13.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Mid Life Crisis Disclaimer (Written December 2, 2010)

The phrase is generic and genuine and older than dirt.

I wear my heart on my sleeve.

Shit, it's a mantra for me. You can tell what I'm feeling by looking at my face when I walk into a room.

It's encoded in my DNA. I've never been able to hide it. Be disgusted by it, if you gotta.

I spill my purse like Ally Sheedy in "The Breakfast Club", man. I'm no mystery.

I've heard all the chatter before, and hell, for that matter it's been directed to my face....

"You're needy", "You're whiny", "You're a wet blanket on a kegger fire." I may be all of those to some, and to others I'm none of the above. If anything, I'm emotionally honest. Should I hurt, fuck, you're gonna know it.

Folks have discarded me and given me my walking papers electronically for this, and to them, I apologize for ruining their train of thought. Sadly, they've cast aside someone who will listen to them forever if need be. I work both ways in that department.

I hurt hard, but I love even fucking harder.

So....this is me. At 39. I like to laugh and absolutely love to make others laugh. I've always been that way, and will be forever. But when the need to feel down, or God forbid, even cry comes along, it's gonna show. And for that, I'm giving fair warning.