Santa Project ‘24: All Through the House

In the 50s, a controversial comic book form that was known as EC comics, which influenced numerous writers and filmmakers in their wake, spit out stories that became almost an American Grimm’s fairytales. 

Most of these stories are morality plays, which shows terrible people suffering fates even worse than what they perpetrated on others. These comic book stories were, of course the inspiration for George Romero and Stephen King‘s Creepshow film, and numerous anthology series and films in the following decades. 

But one story that has inspired memes  came out of Vault of Horror circa 1951, was All Through the House. This was an absolute Christmas time nightmare about a woman who decides to murder her husband and suffers terrifying consequences as a result. 

The story was used as a segment for the 1973 Amicus film Tales from the Crypt starring Dynasty ingenue Joan Collins,  and then later the 90’s HBO series Tales from the Crypt directed by Robert Zemeckis, starring Mary Ellen Trainor and Larry Drake. 

Images from several of these comic book pages, and the film and TV episodes have lingered in the public memory to some degree for decades.  This results from the story being extremely disturbing for its source material, and its subject matter.

Amicus was a British film studio that operated much in the same vein as hammer studios. Predominantly Gothic films starring the lakes of Ralph Richardson and Peter Cushing were their mainstay. 

Tales from the crypt is a really good anthology film featuring some very dark material, drawn primarily from the comics I alluded to. Now,  the connecting tissue in between the segments is far weaker than the stories themselves. But there’s a lot here to like. 

The lead off is the Joan Collins take on all through the house, which is extremely unsettling as there is no actual score but Christmas music. She goes through the motions of murdering her husband, trying to cover it up and even thinks she’s safeguarded her house from an escaped lunatic in a Santa Claus outfit.  

She turns out to be wrong.

 This is 16 minutes of pure horror, and really does one of two things: primes the pump for whats to come, or offers a reason for you to think the rest of the film is a letdown. either way, the segment is terrific filmmaking and Freddy Francis (Dracula Has Risen From the Grave, and a list of cinematographer credits that would make most lighters jealous) is to be commended. 

In 1989 All Through the House made the second episode of the premier season of HBO's Tales From the Crypt anthology series.  This time its pedigree was as solid as it gets.  Produced by Joel Silver and Richard Donner, music by legendary Alan Silvestri, cinematography from Dean Cundey, the chap who did the early John Carpenter masterpieces and went on to light some Spielberg work including Jurassic Park, and it’s helmed by director of Back to the Future and Forrest Gump's Robert Zemeckis.  I mean holy shit. 

Oh, and by the way, scripted by my one of my favorites, the guy responsible for Night of the Creeps and Monster Squad,  Fred Dekker.  A guy short-changed by Hollywood for some reason, as his talent exceeds that of many still working frequently in the business. 

This take, in running with the series, contained a little more dark humor, more graphic violence, and a putridly intimidating Santa-murderer, played by Larry Drake (L.A. Law, Darkman).   Mary Ellen Trainor as the mom, matches Joan Collins blow for blow. 

So, my examination of this decades-long Christmas horror curio draws to a close.  

Do I have a favorite.  

I can't say.  One is distinctly British, and the other has big budget American flash, so it's up to you.  But the EC Comics tale still holds that morality tale punch, and final panel kick in the nuts that can't be exceeded.

 

Santa Project ‘24: Christmas with the Joker

One of the few great things Fox TV has ever had to offer was the 1990s fox kids Batman afternoon series. And one of the greatest things about the show is its writing. I mean for chrissake, Joe Lansdale has written episodes of this series.

You can’t do much better than the voice work either;  including the late great Kevin Conroy as Batman, and Mark Hamill, who is absolutely ecstatically terrific, as the Joker. 

And, I offer you one of the great animated adventures in Christmas television, Christmas with the Joker.  It’s A Wonderful 22 minute adventure where Batman and Robin are about ready to relax for the evening and watch “It’s a wonderful life”after a quick sweep of Gotham. They’re left only to find out that not only has the Joker escaped from Arkham, but he has abducted George and Barbara Gordon, as well as Harvey Bullock.  

The clown Prince of crime is now broadcasting on  live television how much he hates Batman, including several verses of Jingle Bells, Batman smells,  he blows up a bridge, and gives the Dark Knight and his sidekick Robin the boy wonder until midnight to save his three abductees. 

This is pure joy, not only is Hamill hilarious,  but Conroy inhabits Batman in a way that no one I think ever has, literally only with his voice. Batman, The Animated Series has so much to offer and wouldn’t you know that in only its first season, and its second episode, it ripped out a piece of holiday classic television. 

Once again, Fox television at least did one thing right. 

The Santa Project '24: Violent Night

Violent Night was an absolute blast. And a pretty interesting look at class warfare between the wealthy and even more wealthy. David Harbour, much like Mel Gibson in Fatman, is a fed up Santa Claus.  One who is tired of kids who don’t really want anything more than cash and video games and don’t appreciate the holidays anymore. He starts the film by getting drunk in a bar in England and throwing up on the bartender as she watches in awe as he flies away in his sleigh. 

Harbour is perfect in this part. Actually, he’s downright fantastic.  the viciousness that you saw in some of his early work, such as The Equalizer and A Walk Among the Tombstones is there, but balances out with the edgy softness he displays often as Hopper when it comes to children. 

This example of Santa Claus was once a warrior that’s over 1100 years old; a fascinating take that isn’t explored very deeply by director Tommy Wirkola, but nonetheless Santa brings that former part of his history's hammer, the aptly named Skull Crusher, into the fight with you got it, terrorists. 

But wait these aren’t exactly terrorists. These are thieves led by a hilarious John Leguizamo, who just happens to hate Christmas, and some turncoats that are stealing already stolen money from an extremely wealthy family on Christmas Eve during a holiday party in their palatial estate. Violence breaks out when Santa Claus, still rough and tumble, but has the vulnerability that comes with rustiness, decides to intervene in a very Die Hard like manner. This mansion may as well be Nakatomi Plaza.  

Hey! It's good to see Beverly D’Angelo return to the screen. 

The fight choreography as well as the humor is definitely in abundance here, as is the gore you need to be prepared for.  As a matter of fact Violent Night comes off as a nifty combination of Die Hard 2 and Home Alone, just caked in claret. 

Before you blow this off as another holiday film drenched in violence to reach out to a certain audience, explore the relationship between Harbour and the little girl, Trudy, stuck in the middle of all this. It’s legitimately touching and has enough weight to it to make this work as a Christmas film, despite the bloodshed.  

Especially when the little girl brings Home Alone into it against a couple of the punk thugs. In my opinion, that segment is far more entertaining than the Macaulay Culkin film that inspired the sequence.  Actually, early on, Trudy does her Culkin impression, showing a parents' reaction that most of us adults have to that particular piece of holiday cinema.  Irritation.

Fatman And Violent Night would make a great double feature, and I may consider doing that sometime soon. Move over Lethal Weapon and Die Hard. You got a pair of action flicks that are moving into your territory for the holidays. 

A Holiday Memory: Sports cards vs. Star Wars

 This piece is about sports cards again and if you are a reader and that bothers you, I am sorry,  but it is part of my history and DNA.   But this is about my early  childhood as well. 

 I had a friend, Gordon, who my friendship with at Somers elementary school went all the way back to kindergarten.  This  takes place in the third grade and it’s a very quaint story. 

Gordon seemed to be getting sarcastically picked on by some other classmates of ours, a couple of them even friends. The reason being, instead of sports cards, they (myself included) collected Star Wars cards, and like smoking, this was cool.

Gordon liked football, and hence collected football cards. 

Well, Gordon was a true friend, and I was gonna defend my friend to the end, so I lied to the others and told them that I was backing away from Star Wars cards to join Gordon in the football card parade. I remember this being my direct quote as the reason: 

“Because football gives you a lot of exercise.” 

As something I said in that moment should have been, it was stupid.  This elicited gales of laughter from the Star Wars crew of course, but Gordon was glad I had his back and for some reason he gave me a stack of Topps football cards.  I believe the bulk of which were from 1978. 

These were the first football cards I ever owned, and I believe they were Gordon’s doubles so that's why he was able to give them away so freely. I appreciated the effort, as a matter of fact I took them home and really enjoyed them. Now, 1978 is not the most exciting year of a football card design, but it was different than what I was dabbling in at the time. 

This happened in the dead of winter because I remember laying underneath the Christmas tree with the glow of the lights, an episode of PBS’ Siskel and Ebert’s “Sneak Previews” rolling in the background.  I was looking at a 1978 card of Vikings Wide Receiver Sammie White and thinking that the colors and the design were interesting, (maybe not as cool as Star Wars, and 1978 is not Topps Football’s best) but again, different from Star Wars. I kinda dug the little cartoons and factoids that joined the statistics on the back as well.   I have re-enacted that magic moment below, you can even see some "Sneak Previews" regalia in the background.

Why this is a memory that sticks with me to this very day I don’t really know. It’s kind of like another memory I have of holding a 1978 Steve Garvey, (also a Topps card) while sitting on the my bedroom floor, looking at it as the sun was starting to peek through the window. 

I once told a version of someone else’s joke that when you’re growing up in the suburbs in America in the 70s, you are issued a copy of Frampton Comes Alive, Boston’s first album on 8 track, a paperback copy of Jaws, a Mr. Microphone, a Pet Rock, and the 1978 Topps Steve Garvey. 

Anyways here’s to Gordon for being my real first introduction to the topps sports card.  Although I never did back away from the Star Wars cards.  I’d never let Gordon know that, and kept that collection to myself until I stupidly parted with it sometime in the early 80s. And To a friend who I have long lost touch with.  I was a Fool!  Those cards are cooler now than they were then, a true valuable. Like, big time. 

However, to cover my childish idiocy,  I now have a really cool hardcover picture book that actually covers the entire series of Topps‘ 1977 Star Wars cards.  That does just fine for me now; the memories the photos elicit are still there, still rich, and still sparked by the book.

my nostalgia is kind of eternal, And visually triggered.

And I’m Still holdin’ on to ol’ Sammie White too. 

Gobble Project '24 : a Garfield Thanksgiving

I vividly remember watching "Here Comes Garfield", the first Garfield special ever, while in elementary school in the YEAR OF OUR LORD 1982. 

What a year that was, man.  I'm going to go into 1982 in depth later, but if you're looking for an actual fucking documentary on that year, there's this damn thing, and I recommend it 100 percent.

                

Anyway, the special contained the slick animation of Jim Davis' character, some snappy voice work, including the sublime stuff from Lorenzo Semple as the big cat himself.  Being an owner of several of those oblong Garfield strip collection books you could get from scholastic and reader of the daily Davis pieces in the newspaper, I remember being fairly excited to see old Garfield in motion.  TV was a miracle, wasn't it?

By the time the Thanksgiving special came out, it was 1989.  I was in high school, and I wasn't really getting the warmth from new holiday specials anymore, let alone old ones.  This was thanks to the daily battles of trying to fit into a community I'd only lived in for about a year and a half, and prepping to move back into the old one I had lived in for 6 months, that I moved to after two years in Texas.  Got that?

So, I watched it on streaming last night.  It wasn't bad.  You still got Semple's voice, nifty songs by Lou Rawls and Garfield's abusive behaviors toward his owner Jon, and his life-mate Odie. Two things happen here, one is a trip to the vet (whom Jon is in love with, and his persistence probably needs a smackdown from the #MeToo movement. Fuck's sake) and Thanksgiving is the next day.   Jon successfully gets the vet to come over to his house for Thanksgiving dinner (weird that there's no family get together here) which he manages to destroy before he's even began, because he didn't do the research. 

So, our hero Garfield gets Jon to call his grandmother after practically having to use smoke signals to drive the point home to do such, and she comes over and creates a beautiful meal behind the scenes while Jon spews a history of Thanksgiving to Liz that puts her to sleep.  Seriously, this rundown of the holiday puts Linus' Miles Standish routine from Charlie Brown Thanksgiving to shame.  

Everyone is shocked by the gloriousness of Grandma's meal as she slips out the back door creating the lie for Liz that Jon is a great chef, and Jon, Liz, Garfield, and Odie sit down and enjoy a spare but rather sweet Thanksgiving meal together. 

Liz leaves, and I hope to god, other than future vets visits, will never be seen by Jon again. 

Seriously, this guy is actually a creep and Garfield deserves better than this putz. 

                                 

Gobble Project '24: A Disturbance in the Force

As I wrote about here, the Star Wars Holiday Special of 1978 was a bizarre affair that my mind mostly blocked out.  It was not really Star Wars, it was a variety show.  Not a good combination.  Those of us who survived it, know the whats, it's the whys that have kept us perplexed all these decades.

Thanks to last year's A Disturbance in the Force, those questions are answered. 

The thing aired just before Thanksgiving in 1978, and I remember it didn't go over well that night, nor did it hold up (minus Nelvana's Boba Fett sequence, which is the only thing Lucas approved of, and can be streamed on Disney+) to any extent, in any form or fashion. 

So why??

All the folks involved get their say here, and the main purpose was to keep Star Wars alive in the eyes of the zeitgeist until The Empire Strikes Back could appear and do its thing. If the folks behind Star Wars knew how big the film would turn out to be, how embedded in the culture it would become, this thing probably wouldn't have been necessary.  

Lucas apparently wrote a 5 page treatment that showed how seriously he took the thing before departing to work on Empire, and it appeared to be a quasi-sequel of sorts.  The network, CBS,  handed it off to what really were a bunch of folks who worked on variety television (the mainstay of network TV at the time) and it eventually evolved into something it was never intended to be.  Much like that Donnie and Marie Star Wars dance a thon with Kris Kristofferson as Han Solo (!) and Mark Hamill's dancin' appearance with Bob Hope.  To the Holiday Special's credit, these things were far more embarrassing. 

I don't want to give away a whole bunch, as you learn some great stuff, much of which is a bit shocking. The details here are often laughable, and at times during the testimonials, kind of fuckin' sad.  Let's just  say you feel for all involved, you really do.  Again, this was an example of something that was done truly for marketing purposes to keep Star Wars alive while America waited for the sequel, and it eventually became an inside joke; Bea Arthur, Art Carney, and Harvey Korman included.  It was done before Star Wars became cemented as Star Wars and no one thought it silly at all, especially at that time. 

That would come later. 

With all the people speaking here, from its creators to those who get a laugh or a warm fuzzy from it now, you find yourself growing a bit sentimental towards it, and that's a good thing. 

It may not be the best example of Thanksgiving (or Life Day) television, but it certainly is the weirdest. 

Samhain Project '24: Full Circle

 

If you've been reading this thing for the last 4 years, you'll know that November 1st is what the Celtic called Samhain (or Sow-in).   End of summer.  Beginning of the dark part of the year.  And the night when the membrane between the living and the dead is at it's most easy to penetrate.  Today is that day.

Ain't no secret to any readers that as a kid my face was frequently buried in comic books.  Some of my fondest memories lay in deposits of four color artwork pressed into newspaper substrate.  This may be my age calling, but I'll take the dulled out vintage color over today's glossy hyper-brite, over-detailed stuff that exist today in the format.  

Yes, my comic book life blood is known as "The Bronze Age".

Almost as much as I loved the tales of my superheroes and other characters, I adored the advertisements.  Especially the seasonal ones.  Like legendary artist Jack Davis' Dracula and Wolfman snappin' into a Slim Jim that came around in the fall of 1977's comics.  That was the good stuff, folks.

There was one ad that bugged me a bit as an 8 year old though.  It was for the horror comic known as Unexpected.  It featured a woman performing on stage while half of her face is melting off, and staring from behind her appears to be the individual responsible for it with a twisted, evil grin on his face.  I guess it's disturbing in general, but as young as I was, it really weirded me out. 

I was never a reader of horror comics minus this issue of House of Secrets that was part of a past Samhain Project.  Click on the title, and flash back if you wish to.  Otherwise, I subscribed to the philosophy of Sammy from The Lost Boys, and pretty much avoided horror comics as a whole. But this image really got under my skin.

A couple of months back I was at a mercantile, digging through a gentleman's wares which consisted of wall art, vinyl albums, and a handful of longboxes of comic books.  And there, in the box farthest to the right, adjacent to a cabinet with slews of Lego mini-figures I found it. 

And there it was. 

That old familiar inhale of nostalgia.  The vibe absorbed when seeing something you once saw so often, but hadn't in decades.  That feeling is quite a rush when you grew up with the interests that I had.  This particular issue of Unexpected was $1.00 in it's day, some 45 years ago, and the tag on it now only asked for $3.00.  It seemed really stupid not to make the purchase.  So I did.  

However, I still haven't popped it open to read the story behind that stupefyingly creepy imagery.  It's not that I'm afraid to, but part of me feels as though I may ruin something by removing the mystery.  Maybe I'll peel back the tape and pull the book out of its bag and board for next Halloween. 

Anyway.  It's November 1st, and it's Samhain.  So, as depressing as it is for me to say goodbye to what many are now calling Spooky Season, (and lord knows, I did all I could to hold on to it and make it last as long as it possibly could) I can look forward to possibly reviewing it for next year's Samhain Project. 

And what better way to rock in November and Fall, then with Glenn Danzig and Samhain.....

Samhain Project '24: The Night Flier

 This year I seem to be doing quite a few Stephen King films on the project, including a documentary. Thus I decided to track down a lesser known film based on his work, called The Night Flier. 

The Night Flier is based on a short story called Popsy which appears in his collection Nightmares and Dreamscapes, which is a fantastic gathering of stories, really. This one stars Miguel Ferrer, one of my all-time favorite character actors, and he has the lead and does not waste the opportunity. His character is a journalist of sorts; he cuts corners, he lies, he cheats to get his information, and yet somehow he’s really good at what he does.

The only problem in my thinking is that the publication he works for is one of those true life, dark crime, ghastly murder, conspiracy theory, UFO mags that really, most people in their right mind don’t read. 

The story is that someone is landing in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, in rural airports in his dark black Cessna. Someone dies when this happens and then he gets out without being found. Ferrer wants to track this guy down before the authorities catch on, and he ends up competing with a brand new reporter that has just been hired by Pee-wee from Porkys at the newspaper.  The pursuit portions of the film are interesting and  Ferrer is absolutely fantastic in this movie as the tension builds. He gives this very odd vampire story a performance that is above and beyond what films of this nature normally get from their leads. 

In one particular scene, Ferrer's character has seen a bit too much and spends some time emptying himself into a sink.  He knows something is going on behind him, but as he looks up in the mirrors in front of him, he sees nothing, but oh, there's plenty going on.  The scene is tense, scary, and Ferrer plays it beautifully.  Only an actor of his caliber can make you sympathize with a person that is almost completely an asshole.

As he gets further and further involved and obsessed, he pulls himself further and further into the advice that he gives the young reporter at the beginning of the film: “Never publish the truth”, and  that may be his downfall. 

KNB FX  does terrific work, as does director Dan Pavia, a chap whom I don’t really think I’ve ever seen his work before.  The Night flyer is again one of Stephen Kings Lesser known adaptations, which is why I sought it out.  However, it doesn’t show out as beneath the other Stephen King films. 

This is actually a pretty good piece of Work. 

Samhain Project '24: Maxxxine

 Maxxxine is the final piece of Ti West's trilogy that began with the exceptional X and Pearl.  And I gotta say, as entertaining as it is, it is by far the weakest of the trilogy.  If it existed in a vacuum, I'd be singing its praises much higher, so it's clearly not a piece of crap.  Even if the only reason was the fantastic performance put on by Mia Goth, reprising her role from X.

It seems Maxxxine has made it out of the quasi-Texas Chainsaw Massacre she encountered in X at the end of the 70's and is rumbling forward in the California adult film scene.  However, she has caught the eyes of film producers and has latched onto a role in an upcoming sequel to a popular horror film.  A legitimate non-adult industry release.

As one would recall from X, Maxxx would do anything to be famous, and she's only become more hardened and shall I say, vicious, in that direction.  Her past appears to be sneaking up on her though. Is it directly linked to the events of X, or something much more attached to whatever in her past drives her forward so harshly?  As those around her start to drop like flies, she flounders in struggles with law enforcement, who she just can't seem to trust, and a Kevin Bacon weirdo, threatening to blow up her past and ruin her forward momentum on behalf of someone else unknown.

Maxxxine takes place in the 80's and feels like an 80's film. It swings like a blending of the B-Movie classics Angel and Vice Squad.   So with those pedigrees, it has a lot to offer.  But even featuring slick casting, like that of the terrific Bobby Cannavale and Michelle Monaghan as detectives, it still doesn't reach the heights of the much lower budgeted predecessors in the series. 

Unlike X, and to a lesser extent, Pearl, Maxxxine isn't really as much a horror film as it is an example of the sleazy crime dramas of the era it pays homage to.  

But don't let that stop you.

Samhain Project '24: More TV

                                     

A couple of Halloweens back, Frani and I sat down to some "horror" television to throw some different flavorings into THE PROJECT.   This year we decided to try it again.

The X Files:  HOME.  

This infamous episode of the legendary sci-fi/conspiracy program of the 1990's still gets skipped over in syndication to this day due to its subject matter.  Aired on October 11, 1996, Mulder and Scully are called in to examine a ghastly finding in a field in rural Pennsylvania.  It doesn't take long before they're wrapped up in a hideous family of murderers who are several generations into, let's say, self programmed reproduction.  Their abode is a horrid, squalid nightmare equally as awful as their way of life.  Somehow, Duchovny and Anderson work some of their humorous chemistry into this extremely dark storyline.  If you feel like venturing down this dark path, it can be found on Hulu. 

Thriller:  The Hollow Watcher

This early 60's anthology series put out some memorable vignettes to be enjoyed, and as I've mentioned in my review of Pigeons From Hell, Stephen King called it the best television horror of its day.  This episode features a young Warren Oates whose mail order bride appears to be up to something after the murder of her father in law (Uncle Jesse from the Dukes of Hazzard).  Oates' character is okay with this killing, as he doesn't dig his old man anyway.  Things began to happen in this North Carolina burg involving a local scarecrow named "The Hollow Watcher" afterwards.  Let's be honest, it's a dopey looking scarecrow indeed,  but in its day, its look and eventual actions were probably terrifying.  Especially once it becomes animated with the arrival of Oates' bride's "brother".  Entertaining stuff. 

Tales From the Darkside:

Inside the Closet

Most Saturday nights my friend Jon would come over and we'd watch the Dick Ebersol era SNL followed by an episode of George A Romero's syndicated "Tales from the Darkside".  This particular episode was directed by Tom Savini and features a young college girl renting a room from the local veterinary professor in his very large house.  His daughter's former room features a half-door closet that cannot be opened as it is locked and the key is "lost".  But there are noises coming from the closet and this new occupant is a little too curious for her own good.  Fritz Weaver is really slick as the professor with facial tics and twitches in constant circulation,  leaving his motives an ongoing question. 

Sorry, Right Number

This Stephen King scripted episode isn't really scary, or even suspenseful as much as heartbreaking.  Our leading lady catches a distressing phone call that she fears is from a relative.  After much investigation with the help of her author husband, they are unable to solve the issue at hand.  A tragedy ensues that leaves a Saw type whirlwind montage that answers all the questions that came before.  Well, in a way....

I love anthology television.  Thriller, Tales From the Darkside, Night Gallery, Twilight Zone (which I'll get to later in the year as SYFY has somehow attached Rod Serling's masterwork with New Year's).  This year's dip into TV Terror maybe wasn't perfect, but it was a fun travel down memory lane. 

Samhain Project '24: The New Kids

 The New Kids is an 80's extravaganza. Directed by Friday the 13th's Sean Cunningham, it features a bevy of Jon Parr-knock off rockin' tunes to back montages, and a score from normally legendary Lalo Schifrin that sounds like either one of two things: 70's cop procedurals or 80's sitcoms. 

But it has Tom Fucking Atkins in it.  That alone gives it at least an extra point and a half on whatever scale you're grading with. 

Our two leads, teenagers Shannon Presby and Lori Laughlin have lost their parents and are taken in by their obnoxious Uncle Charlie, who owns a cheesy amusement park they go to work at.  At one point, homeboy even says something about "farting through silk".  I mean, what the fuck?  As they try to fit in, they are continually accosted by a local group of teenage redneck mafia slobs led by a Boondock Tony Montana played by James Spader and some extra hair. 

Now we've seen this before, recently repositioned kids having a hard time fitting into the new surroundings (I mean, hell, it feels like the same high school Ralph Macchio went to in The Karate Kid) and being bullied by local fartfaces.  But, this IS Sean Cunningham, and shit gets dark, bloody, and violent in the third act.  I hate to say it, but it's kind of a refreshing kick in the booty as the first hour, minus the use of the F bomb, is fairly saccharine. 

Is The New Kids a good movie?  Nah.  But something about it is entertaining enough, the cast is game, and the nifty packaging it comes in is the bomb.  It's a blu-ray, but the slip cover utilizes the original Columbia Pictures box art, and looks like a VHS tape is sliding out of said box.  Nifty concept, and I suppose they feel it makes up for the complete and utter lack of features.  There's not even a trailer here, folks. 

Besides the cast members mentioned, You got Eric Stolz whose hair appears to be suffering from the same swollen condition as James Spader's.  There's a few other guys you know by their faces, but haven't a clue what their names are.  

Overall, I guess it's not really a horror film, minus the last half hour, but close enough.

And it has Tom Fucking Atkins in it. 

Samhain Project '24: The WNUF Halloween Special

This is a truly unique experiment in filmmaking. 

Chris LaMartina has put together a film that makes the viewer feel like they're watching an old video tape recorded off the air on Halloween Night, 1987.  The broadcast being from Channel 28, WNUF in Kirk County, somewhere. 

The first part of the tape (complete with glitches and occasional fast-forwarding) is a local newscast that drops hints of the evening's programming as well as elements of its background, and even a little foreshadowing.  Thrown into the mix are commercials that do a wonderful job of reminding me of late night UHF business spots done on the cheap when I was in junior high.  It's all well done, and achieves what it's trying to accomplish. 

Except in one area.  There are multiple commercials for TV shows that no UHF channel would have the budget or tools to create.  UHF channels do broadcast movies and shows, but they're not originals from the channel. They're leased re-runs.  So the cheap-looking nature of these program ads took me out of it a little bit, but thankfully, they're few and far between. 

The newscast winds down to a live program that the channel is airing with a local correspondent and a couple of paranormal researchers (clear Ed and Lorraine Warren rip-offs) as they venture into a local residence that was the location of multiple murders and is apparently haunted.  Now, this is heavily influenced by the infamous 1992 British found footage TV program Ghostwatch, which was far more effective, but drew negative controversy that resulted in it being buried.  I review that here. 

Most of this is pretty fun for its experimental nature, and has a pretty nice group of twists at the end.  The acting leaves much to be desired, with the exception of our wisecracking correspondent who pretty much carries this thing. 

It's not particularly scary, but it is Halloween related, so we gave it a spin.  If you can track it down whilst in a mood for something spontaneous and different, I say go for it. 

Samhain Project '24: King on Screen

                                       

                                         

"...and if he got you when you were young, he had you forever"

If anyone's adaptations from book to film require a lengthy analysis, it's Stephen King.  This documentary is unique and informative. 

It starts with a short film where a young woman wanders about a small town immersed in easter eggs all related to Bangor, Maine's pride and joy.  This is interesting enough,  but it then slides into the words of many talking heads. 

Many directors have much to say here, from those who've directed him once, to those with a long resume of adapting "Steve". 

The most time is spent with Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, The Mist), and Mick Garris (Sleepwalkers, TV's The Stand, Riding the Bullet, TV's The Shining, among several others) and George A. Romero, one of King's favorite collaborators.  George is not there to speak as we've lost him to time, but the work is deeply explored.  Then even more of the chaps out there who have brought King's work to the screen once or maybe twice jump in with contribution.   They all have different takes on what is needed to transpose his work from the page to the visual medium, and they're fascinating to watch and listen to. 

Modern guru Mike Flanagan speaks of the touch and go nature of adapting Doctor Sleep, a fascinating portion of the doc, and the difficulty of Gerald's Game.  Flanagan is the next generation of the adapters, the one who seems to get him best.  He's no rookie with the adapting game, having done Shirley Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House, and Henry James' The Haunting of Bly Manor (The Turn of the Screw), but he is capable of his own masterpieces, as evidenced by the incredible Midnight Mass.

All of them speak of him richly, bringing out my favorite part of the documentary.  The segments discussing the warmth of the man capable of inducing so many chills.  The generosity of the man, so freely giving permission for others to do with his work as they please, for better or worse. 

And the humor of a man writing stories more often than not in a fantasy/horror setting, whose work is so very serious.

I was hooked on Stephen King with Salem's Lot at the age of 8.  

And he's still got me. 

Samhain Project ‘24: The Blackening

Tim Story’s The Blackening has a lot going for it. And I do mean this in a big way . Many people just looking at it at the surface level may seem to see it as just another one of those racial comedies. But what sets it apart is that not only is it good at being a comedy, it’s also effective as a horror film equally as well.

There’s no denying that. And it’s not an easy thing to accomplish as a filmmaker. 

The Blackening surrounds a group of African-American characters who have come together for the first time in 10 years for a Juneteenth celebration. The film opens with a couple who have encountered a board game called the Blackening , which is of course an extremely racist board game that leads to less than favorable circumstances. But you're forced to play it for your life by what may be a supernatural force or otherwise that’s powering it. 

When the rest of the group shows up, they of course wonder where their pair of missing friends are, and come across the game themselves. A great thing about  The Blackening is the variety of character traits and personalities in this group of young and successful black characters.  There’s no arguing that the variety of relating put on display here is accented by the performers' talents. It doesn’t really feel like you’re watching acting. That’s when you know you’re in a space with true talent. 

These kids really appear to know each other tightly which leads to hilarious dialogue that often times, in a Robert Altman Way, almost overlaps to the point where you miss some really good one liners. It’s almost worth checking it out twice just for that reason.  

But back to the game.  It is filled with trivia questions about black culture, whether it’s television or history, and all of our cast members are adept at answering the questions, which shows the intelligence of all involved. Eventually things do expand beyond the game, and lead to further adventures. Social commentary abounds, which is a clear intent, amongst the other wonderfully scripted material by Dwayne Perkins and Tracy Oliver. 

This is highly recommended for Halloween though, because it is a straight up horror film that holds to all the conventions besides comedy.  Meanwhile it’s making you realize there’s a lot out there in the world that many don’t understand that they should take the time to pay attention to. And In Ways, despite being an entertainment, it’s also a public service announcement for any of those out there still stupid enough to think that people of color are one dimensional in any way, shape, or form. 

It appears that Jordan Peele has opened a door for followers to give us many things to learn from. 

What's 40 years between novelizations?

 When I was a kid I had seen the paperback novelization of John Carpenter's Halloween on a spinner rack and really wanted to buy the thing.  I didn't, because no one would float me the $2.95.  So I looked for it for a long time, never stumbled across it at a library, and kinda gave up hope on it.   Then eBay came along, and I began a search.  

Holy shit, people really?

I get it dates back 40 plus years, and it's attached to a major fan IP, but $400.00 for a paperback?  

So I pretty much abandoned all hope because, even though I'm a physical media geek of films and music, I'm also a frugal one that believes that down the road there's another shot at it.  Sometimes the hunt is the fun, and the wait is part of the hunt. 

Well, here we go.  A publishing company called Printed In Blood that specializes in art from horror and fantasy films and comics re-released the text for the novelization, but accented with full color, and book sized art.  It really is a wonderful product, and a shit ton easier on the wallet.  So I ordered the item directly from the publisher because there are peenbones on the eBay market jacking the price of the thing to the moon despite the fact that it's not nearly out of print.  I decided to do one of those video unboxing thingies on this because, well, I'm a geek.

I know, I know, it sucks.  I can do video, but I just didn't have the energy to write and choreograph something like I do with holiday videos and soda-pop reviews.  Frani did a nice job with the shoot, though.   Anyway, its a hell of an item. and I'm glad to finally read this thing in book form. 

The Legend of Bill Buckner

 Bill Buckner died 5 years ago.  Years after he had that World Series game 6 ball go through his ankles, years after he had his final at bat, back with the Red Sox, years after he threw the opening pitch before a Fenway game in 2008.  

The city of Boston forgave him, as they should have, (but there was nothing to forgive) maybe because his friend Dewey Evans was there at his back, and no one in Boston steps to Dewey,  no one.

But these were my thoughts after that game 6 anyway.

A swing that looked like it belonged

in the time of a Glenn Miller Song

His glove owned that first bag corner

pitchers feared the bat's owner

and he failed less than most

but no one's raising a toast

because of one singular ball

found its way between his ankle bones

Just because I haven't done it

Doesn't mean I haven't seen it

How can you burn down 

Someone you’ve never even known

He has 2,715 more than you

and a hundred more than Teddy Baseball

He's ahead of Ernie Banks

300 more than Mark Grace

But he's still not in the hall

So people with clothes soaked with beer

would slander his name and jeer

because the gods of the World Series

picked him to be the guy to smear

If the ball hadn't skipped when it was supposed to jump

then his knees would've needed to race Mookie 

and he probably would have lost

and Stanley never would have made it for the toss

Just because I haven't done it

Doesn't mean I haven't seen it

Some of your corrupted minds

seem to think that he'd mean it

when the ball went through his knees

during the goddamn World Series

Samhain Project '24: George A Romero's Martin

1977's Martin is quite an interesting foray into horror cinema.  From the director of Night of the Living Dead, it almost feels more like a drama if not for the ghastly acts of its titular character.  Martin is a young man, under 20, moving from Indianapolis to Pittsburgh to work for his cousin and live in his house with his daughter.  

On the train ride to the Pennsylvania city of three rivers, he decides to commit a murder for the purpose of drinking the blood of his victim.  From his methodology, you can tell he's done this before.  It's pretty ghastly.  Shot well by Romero and long-time partner, cinematographer Michael Gornick, it's cringe-inducing and uncomfortable, but it seems like there's multiple reasons why.  You just can't put your finger on what all of them are. 

When Martin's elderly cousin brings him home, the first thing he says to him is "Nosferatu!!" before going on a spiel about how he's going to save his soul before destroying him.  This is powerful stuff as his cousins description of the family history, and Martin's declaration that he's 84 years old create enough head-scratching to make you wonder if Martin (played wonderfully by first-time John Amplas) is more than just a serial killer with a really distinct M.O.

Martin's cousin says he's been told Martin's an imbecile, and tells him he's not to take any victims from the area.  You watch Martin go about his horrible hobby, or a need to feed that gives him the shakes that he confides in a local shock radio host.  His methodology and calmness during a crisis, show him as far from stupid.  It isn't hard to tell that Martin will find victims in the local area, so quietly a clash is coming. 

Now, this sounds like an off-beat horror film, but judging by Martin's movements, his flashbacks to a distant past that may or may not be real, and the fact that neither his dull gray/green eyes or lips ever come close to a smile, it is more an exploration of complete loneliness.  

And it's not just Martin.  Every other character in this dying town outside Pittsburgh is miserable.  Unhappy in their relationships, desolate in their isolation, awkward in their exchanges with other people. The film is far beyond horror, even though Martin's actions are gruesomely violent; he's battling a complete loss of who he is, or may have ever been.  It's shocking denouement will grab you as it not only seems to come from nowhere, but seems necessary.

Martin is the kind of movie one can watch with a group and spend hours discussing not only it's merits, but it's multiple degrees of subtext.  It's not a fun horror film, nor a gorefest, but it is engrossing and comes highly recommended.

ADDENDUM:

Apparently a black and white 3 hour long version that is preferred by Romero himself was unearthed not too long ago, and appears to have been at an auction house at one point.  Where it went to from there, and what the current rights-holders are planning, if anything, is a mystery. 

Samhain Project '24 : Longlegs

Anyone who reads this thing of mine knows what a fanatical geek I am for Nicolas Cage.  My fanhood dates all the way back to 1983 at the age of 11 with Valley Girl.  He's had a varied and eclectic career to say the least.  But this, folks, is off the beaten path.  Longlegs is a gut punch. 

Many things have been said about the film, from it being unbearably frightening to grossly overrated.  I am speaking from the former.  Director Osgood Perkins creates a ghastly and oppressive weighing-down of dread and cold needling.  Nicolas Cage's character, who doesn't have a ton of screen time, the titular Longlegs, doesn't need it.  And it's not just the hair, the silvery outfits, the facial prosthetics. 

Those are all just window dressing. 

Cage inhabits some terrible doorman to hell itself, and he is to be commended. 

Murders of families are being committed in our setting here and go back some 20 plus years.  The question is not just who is committing them, but how. It seems, in all cases, that someone is making these murders take place without touching anyone.  The FBI has been on this for years without being able to scratch the surface in any real way.  And in a touch of Clarice Starling, they bring in a rookie.  Not just because she scored high on her SATs though. 

Because she's fucking clairvoyant. 

Here's where the public's opinion of the film is lacking.  Admiration for the performance of one Maika Monroe as our investigative ingenue.  This is one terrific performance, and she carries a lot of weight, as she's on screen a lot. I mean, a ton.  Monroe's character is also probably a highly-functioning autistic.  Some may say she's a scream queen as her perfect performances in the unbearably powerful It Follows, as well as Watcher, and Significant Other, as good as they are, don't hold a candle to Monroe's Lee Harker in Longlegs.  She inhabits a woman who's being deeply held down by something.  But whatever it is, it's been there since long before she got on the Longlegs case. 

Eventually Lee and Longlegs, as deeply anticipated, will come to a clash.  But you'll be surprised why and how.  And under Perkins sure hand, all the events roll toward a cataclysm like something slowly growing in the pit of your stomach.  And Perkins places what may be the source of that thing in random spots throughout the film.  Blink, and you may miss them.

And where Monroe's weight comes from. Longlegs is a very thickly designed and scary film, and shouldn't be taken lightly.  It's shocking, it's disturbing, it's scary. 

What it may not be is fun. It's an exercise in power. 

Samhain Project '24: Trick Or Treat (1986)

And there it is!

The movie I've been wanting to see since October 24, 1986, when I lived in Waco, Texas. 

I got to see a nice print of it with the curse words dropped out, but seemingly otherwise intact on the cable channel known as Comet.  Not perfect, but there's not a lot of options.  The Anchor Bay version, which has no subtitles and has been out of print since the Korean War, and I believe being of less than perfect image quality, and a German boutique are the only options.  Neither cost-effective.  Theres also a Region 2 titled Ragman, but I'm uncertain of its quality. 

Anyway. 

The first half is actually pretty striking.  Our lead, Eddie, played by Marc Price (whom many would know as Skippy from TV's Family Ties) is bullied by a bunch of defectives inspired by Ralph Macchio's oppressors in The Karate Kid and led by a young Doug Savant.  I mean this poor kid really takes a beating and some embarrassing pranks to boot.  Price is very effective in the role as our young high school metalhead; you really feel for him.  Charles Martin Smith's direction is strong, and the pacing is really perfect. 

Then the second half.  It kind of gets a little, um..... overblown.  Eddie's rock and roll hero, Sammi Curr had died in a hotel fire leaving Eddie in a funk.  That is until Eddie gets a single pressing of Curr's final album gifted to him by his local DJ buddy. 

Now this is the eye-opener.  Gene Simmons plays this character, Nuke, and in a short period, displays a somewhat sympathetic, beleaguered soul with more depth than can be expected for just a few minutes of screen time.  I've always felt Simmons was a better actor than a musician.  This proves it. 

The record is the source of the second half's weakness. It holds Curr's evil presence.  The resurrection of Curr is kind of over-the-top, and if it weren't for Tony Fields double duty demonic force/rock star posturing, would really make the  latter portion weak.  Pretty cool to listen to one of my favorite 80's bands, Fastway, ringing throughout the film, and almost all of the supporting performances are strong. 

As the film takes place during the lead in to a high school Halloween dance, it's perfect for this time of year.  Even with the lagging that may occur during the latter portions, this is well worth the watch, and I'm glad I finally, after 38 years, got a chance to view it. 

Samhain Project '24: Salem's Lot (2023)

Now as many of you may know, the 1979 Tobe Hooper-helmed mini Series of Stephen King's Salem's Lot aired on CBS is near and dear to my heart.  That's all spelled out here.  So here we are with this new Warner Brothers updating.  I skipped the 2004 mini-series because as much as I love Rutger Hauer (who played Barlow), the idea of Rob Lowe as Ben Mears makes me feel nauseous. 

So I went into this with massive reservations.  Due to my love of Tobe Hooper's film, I thought there was no way I'd enjoy this.  

Fuckin' A, was I wrong. 

This version of Salem's Lot is downright scary.  It hits all the right notes.  The casting is wonderful.  I was really impressed with the casting of Lewis Pullman as Ben Mears, I really like our new Matt Burke and Mark Petrie.  They all carried the weight of this movie that has top flight special effects, but the chill-inducing moments are really more organic through the entire film.  Like when Matt Burke puts two and two together and realizes that Mike Ryerson may in effect be a vampire crashed out in his upstairs bedroom.  That realization on his face is sold with major pathos, and is chill-inducing.

This one has an eerier score that puts pressure on the viewer as much as what's happening in the plot.  I would have liked to have seen Pullman deliver his take on David Soul's Marsten House monologue, but the film is just a couple moments shy of 2 hours as it stands.  I've seen critics complain about the lack of development in the case of Salem's Lot's residents, but they seem to forget the first two takes on the story were 2 night mini-series.  This was meant to be screened theatrically in wide release.  Time is a factor.  Also, why it sat on a shelf for damn near 2 years is beyond me. 

I couldn't have been more impressed with how this turned out.  And really when you look at the folks who were involved, they just happened to be James Wan as producer, and talents who were behind Andy Muschietti's IT, it should come as a surprise to no one the quality that winds up on display here. 

And I'm not the only one who thinks so, as this person below is far more qualified to pass judgment than me.

Samhain Project '24: Cat's Eye

Stephen King has had many adaptations of his work, but only a handful have been done by multiple directors.  In this case, it's Lewis Teague (who also did Cujo).  In this case, we have a Creepshow Lite of sorts.  3 vignettes who have an adorable cat and Drew Barrymore (at about age 9) as the connective tissue.  

2 of the 3 segments are based off of short stories from King's first short story compilation Night Shift. They are Quitters Inc. led by a terrific James Woods and Alan King, and The Ledge, starring early 80's stalwart Robert Hays (Airplane, Take This Job and Shove it, TV's Angie).   

I always have to do the disclaimer that Woods is a better actor than he is a human being.   He's not Jim Caviezel or Kevin Sorbo, because he's been known to give credit where credit's due, but he's still a wingnut.

The final segment of the 3 pieces scripted by Stephen King deal with a troll who's goal is to suck the breath out of our young Drew Barrymore.  But our cat, despite numerous attempts of Drew's bitch-ass mom to remove him from the home, (by this point named General), may have better ideas. 

Cat's Eye is light fare for King, but superbly directed and acted, with tons of King Easter eggs, and a lot of laughs in all 3 segments. I remember seing this one on Cinemax back in 1984, and enjoyed it then, and as of last night's watching, it still holds up as a charming, lightly ghoulish group of stories that are all super enjoyable this time of year. 

Recommended. 

Samhain Project '24: Oddity

                                             

Oddity is a European flick with chills galore.  I mean it's soaked in them.  Unfortunately I can't go into a great deal of detail without playing spoiler.  Damn my eyes.

I will say that the first few minutes of the film are a chest-grabber.   You're stuck to it.  Several moments are legitimately terrifying, and that's before the title card appears on the screen.  You have a young married couple remodeling a giant old estate out in the middle of nowhere.  The wife encounters more than a person should in those first few moments. 

The film takes place in only two locations in fact.  A ratty old hospital where the husband works, and the aforementioned estate.  Very simple. 

The sister of the young wife works her way into the plot. She is a twin, blind, and has the ability to divine information from objects, especially if they've touched someone.  She makes a visit a year after the film starts, and I don't want to ruin what she brings with her.  But that night, the amount of twists and turns that take place, many of which will catch you completely off guard, are numerous but not over the top. 

Creepiness is embedded in every frame, questions float through the air.  There are jump scares, but they're not remotely cheap.  The movie is so tightly wound, it seems to fly by leaving you wanting more. 

Oddity, is a true oddity.  A modern horror film, that feels gothic, with the capability of making you crawl backwards up your chair. 

That's not rhetoric.  I did that shit. 

I'm sorry I can't give you more.  I just don't feel right ruining this one for you.

Watch with a group.  Leave the lights off at your own peril. 

Samhain Project '24 : Saw X

Saw X may be the best film of the series since James Wan's original.  Why would that be?  It's immersed in emotion missing from most of the episodes in this wonderful bloody soap opera. 

It takes place between Saw II and III, as John Kramer is grooming his young sous chef of torture, Amanda.  So he's already put some folks through his engineering terrors of decision making at this point.  Here, however, John has discovered something missing from the previous two films.  

Hope. 

At a group therapy session, he encounters a man on the brink.  A short few months later, he re-encounters him at the peak of health.  He tells Kramer of a foreign treatment method, illegal here in the states, that works wonders in the curing of cancer.  He appears to have proof and a website that connects John to a woman who promises the impossible and John accepts. 

It's all an act designed to take Kramer's money while performing a sham procedure.

John Kramer is the wrong guy to fuck with; after all, the man is Jigsaw.

Tobin Bell is at his peak here.  The obvious pain he goes through upon realization that it's all a crock of shit really hits home.  The performance is on par with the previous movies, but you see a side of him that you haven't before and it's heartbreaking. Especially to those of us who have lost people to the monster known as Cancer. 

Of all the horror/slasher franchises, John may be the monster with the most, or possibly "only" heart.  You've seen flashes of it before, but not like it is here.  And that sadness and disappointment is carried with Kramer throughout the film.  It doesn't bury his rage, but partially obscures it as he and Amanda go to work drawing their pound of flesh.  No pun intended. 

No one he targets is a good person.  Do these thieving folks deserve the degree of retribution Kramer inflicts?  That's doubtful.  However, the horrible crimes perpetrated by those lying to and robbing from the dying by introducing them to false hope before emptying their wallets is all too disgusting, and all too realistic in this world.  

What they do may be just as vicious as what John does.  It just doesn’t come with traps capable of dismembering and crushing and piercing. But it comes with no motivation other than monetary gain.  

Somehow that is just as sick. 

And in spite of myself, and the empathic person I can be, I found myself cheering (before catching myself) for a mass murderer.  

But hey, there's evil in all corners of the world.  Who's to say what evil is more vile than a different evil?  Which one has more moral ground?

That's what makes Saw X a brilliant film.  Not just a sequel, but film. Those questions.

Samhain Project '24 : The Night of the Hunter

The Night of the Hunter is a film where the concept is of a twisted preacher chasing two children up the Ohio River.  He's chasing them for money stolen by their now-dead father, after said preacher has already murdered their mother. 

A simple concept indeed.

But Night has so much else to offer:

• Faith and its useage.  Our evil preacher, played with malicious vigor by Robert Mitchum uses faith to manipulate and blind all those he crosses the path of.  This includes our two heroes, John and Pearl (in great performances by children in an era not known for them).  A woman with a quasi-orphanage has a monologue that opens Night and is the savior of our two youngsters.  Her faith is used to teach, inspire, and even calm and entertain. 
• The strength of children in the depression.  John and Pearl's father is imprisoned and hung for murder and robbery early in the film (but not before crossing paths with our evil preacher, and passing him knowledge of the money's existence while in the pen) and his reason was to give his kids a better future during the depression.  For he believes the kids have no hope in this era, and is tired of seeing what seems to him all children struggling.  Another woman during John and Pearl's run, hands out potatoes to wandering and abandoned kids before telling them to pound sand, despite her generosity, for she can't stand the sight of their battles.  But our lady of saving grace, who gives a beautiful soliloquy about how "it's the little things that suffer", still believes all children abide and even find a way to flourish thanks to their resiliency.
• A gorgeous film.  This was the only directorial effort of veteran actor Charles Laughton.  And in all its black and white glory, he tells a beautiful visual story to coincide with the plight of John and Pearl.  In all the horrors and ugliness of the depression and the preacher's intent, the beauty of nature stands in the foregrounds as John and Pearl ride their father's battered skiff down the Ohio River.  The sky is speckled with black and white stars that give the night a haunting beauty.  Laughton has ugliness and beauty going toe to toe in this film and because of it, it is one of the most striking movies of its era.  The haunting shot of Shelley Winters body in her sunken car, with her hair flowing among the seaweed, will always stick with me and most filmgoers share the sentiment.  The Night of the Hunter is a film swimming in visual splendor, both wonderful and awful. 

I can't say enough about the greatness and unique quality of this film. Does it qualify as straight horror?  Most certainly, but there's so much here that makes it rise above, that more than one viewing is necessary.