Friday, October 23, 2009

WHY I'M A FONT OF USELESS INFORMATION

Ever since I was a kid of 10 or 12, I could remember the only phone calls I ever received were from my older sister and her friends.

One of the phone calls was recorded. Using modern day digital sound enhancement techniques I've been able to provide you a transcript of one of those phone calls.

My mom starts by telling Robby he's call a phone call. Robby being me.

Mom: Robby, phone's for you.
Me: I got a phone call?
Mom: They asked for you. Damn it, take it, "Ryan's Hope" is on.
Me: Hello?
My sister: Robby, it's me.
Me: Hi, me, you need bail money?
My sister: Piss off, We need to know who the original bass player for Dokken was.
Me: Oh, it was Juan Croucier, he's with Ratt now. I gotta go. Molitor's up.

I've always been good with remembering and famously so, things like:
1. Who was with what band and when
2. What label they recorded on.
3. Who directed and starred in what movie.
4. How many yards rushed and passed for by Packers past and present.
5. How many Milwaukee Brewers home runs have been hit.
6. Various information of a historical variety: shipwrecks, war maneuvers, personnel--ad infinitum.

Why is that though?

The human brain has been described as a thinking device infinitely more complex and organized than any computer ever developed. This is true for anybody. Most brains are equally strong, they just work in different ways, that is my belief anyway. So am I a really smart guy like my mother always told me, or am I just another idiot savant like Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man", taking notes on "Jeopardy" and demanding my underpants be purchased at K-Mart.

I guess it remains to be seen.

However, if the brain is like a computer, then that theory would hold true with my own theory on thinking. Now, everybody knows that the more stuff you've uploaded into your computer, whether it be game information, drivers for hardware, manipulation software, or just the main operational gear on your PC or Mac, the less space you have for other things; pictures, mp3s, files, documents, on and on.

One day it dawned on me.

I remember statistical horsehockey more than most people I know. I'm not braggin, because really when it boils down to it, it ain't anything to brag about. Case in point: One day I was bringing up an answer to some obscure trivial bullshit questionwe were discussing at work about 10 years ago. I had the answer without having to look it up. The guy I worked with, in front of everybody, rather embarassingly stated, "Boy, you're just an encyclopedia of "who gives a shit."

Oddly, something my ex-wife also called me before that.

In all actuality, outside of being partnered with someone in a game of Trivial Pursuit or something like Scene It, my wellspring of triviality is really of no good use to anyone. So you see, I'm not bragging, quite the opposite actually. It's no fun being called a "faggot" because you know that Bernie Taupin is Elton John's writing partner.

Back to my point, though. Why do I remember so much Malarkey? I'M NOT RUNNING ANY BIG PROGRAMS!!! My hard drive is only 30% occupied. Herein lies a serious argument for all my dumbassitude.

1 comment:

MsDee said...

Very thought provoking, great metaphor (brain and technology). I can even hear the conversation ;-)