VINYL DESTINATION 3: CINDERELLA

SUMMER 1988

A ridiculously boiling hot day. Nuts. And I was one of many who were seeking shelter from the swelter by browsing the vinyl of the Camelot Record Store in the Wausau Center Mall. Some prototypical dance-synth-pop had just faded over the in-store sound system. I don't remember what the cut was and why would I after 20 years?

A gust of acoustic blues starts shortly thereafter and it grabs me. Not because it so different stylistically from the garbage that just ended, but because it's a bona fide hook. The vocals start, a gruff tone that knifes through the riff like William Wallaces broadsword through one of King Lonshanks' thugs. For a brief moment I question it.

"Indeed, is this old Stones?"

Then the METAL starts, a thudding riff that is the distorted electric twin of the acoustic blues that opened the track. The mournful swoon that voiced the lyrics previously has become a screeching falsetto. Damn, I know that voice.

That's Tom Kiefer. And this is Cinderella.

I bought the album, "Long Cold Winter" based upon the opening 60 seconds of a song called "Bad Seamstress Blues". Still listening to it to this day. As a matter of fact I still have that vinyl copy.

There were a lot, and I mean a lot of hair metal bands in the 80's. Most were awful.

But Cinderella wasn't just a good hair metal band, indeed in my opinion they were the best of all of them, they were a damn fine rock and roll band. "Long Cold Winter" is a track by track resume of why.

"Bad Seamstress Blues" is a kicking rock metal blues song, as strong an opener as there was in the 80's. All hair metal bands needed their ballad and the one here is far better than any of the claptrap snoozers put out by Winger, Poison, or Motley Crue. "Don't Know What You Got", (laugh if you must) is a nice melody with some well executed lyrics and chorus. It is mournful, like it or not. Tom Kiefer was a damn fine songwriter, and shouldn't be grouped in with the Nikki Sixxs, Bret Michaels, and Kip Wingers of the world.

Further proof of Kiefer's versatility is when his voice becomes a baritone for the first verse of "Coming Home", a country song, yes you read right, and the bastards pull it off. The title track is almost as good a ballad as "Dont Know". "Gypsy Road", "Fire and Ice", and especially "Fallin Apart at the Seams" are all great rockers, better than most of the metal SINGLES of the time period.

Kiefer, along with vet Andy Johns, and bassist Eric Brittingham produced the album. This goes a little ways more in exemplifying why he wasn't your average heavy metal bear. Not too many hair metal (getting sick of that term here) purveyors were producing their own records.

20 years later, Cinderella is still by and large grouped in with the Aqua Net Aquanauts of those Heavy Metal Knights of Olde, and to me, it's a shame.

Cinderella was indeed the one band of all the goobers that showed up for the Big Dance who fit into the glass slipper.

REVENGE OF THE THE

I've seen a trend of laziness in film titling of late. For example, the powers that be at whatever studio is responsible for this monstrosity rejuvenated the Vin Diesel/Paul Walker franchise known as "The Fast and The Furious". What did they decided to call it?

"Fast and Furious." Come on. Remove the thes? That's the best you can do?

Now they are going to do another, I believe fourth, "Final Destination" film. The title: "The Final Destination."

So, now we know where one of the thes from "Fast and Furious" went, but what about the other one? I hope this doesn't continue.

What if they decided to get Clint Eastwood to don the garb of "The Man with No Name" one last time. What would they call that film? "Good,Bad, and Ugly"? Now you got 3 missing thes. Perhaps you could keep it in the family and have Eastwood direct a sequel to his own recent masterpiece, following the life of the young Hmong boy he befriended in the exciting Part 2: "The Gran Torino".

Still got two thes left, though. Hmmm.

"The Dirty Harry"? "Play the Misty for Me"?

I don't know. Perhaps there's a position in the film studios whose main focus is to name all the films in production? His job description?

"The Titler".

He Called me Dad

Back in January, I took my 14 year old to the movies. We were in the self-serve soda section, (which is preposterous, if I'm gonna pay $4.50 for a soda, they ought to fill it for me) when I heard a voice say, "Hey, Dad, do you need a straw?"

It hit me like a bolt out of the blue.

He called me Dad.

I cocked my head and looked at my son, much like that quizzical Jack Russell Terrier looks into the antique speaker on those old RCA Victor ads for record players. Thoughts began to pour into my head. Thoughts about how this person is my charge. For now, this human being belongs to me. It reminded me of that old George Carlin riff from the HBO special, "Playin' with Your Head" about claiming lost children: "That's mine, the tall one with the hair."

My son.

And I got a little teary with pride. Where was this coming from? I looked straight into the eyes of my greatest gift and considered those poor orphans of gutless turds who beat on them and their mothers. Fatherhood is not a right, it's a privilege. I felt like a lucky man. I thought about that guy walking his dog who gives my son and I the occasional odd look as we're strolling down the street. Maybe I don't have a booger on my face after all, maybe he's looking at me that way, just wishing he had a son to saunter down the road with. That lucky feeling expanded.

My kid handed me the straw and I looped my arm around his shoulder as we strolled into the theatre together. I wish I could label that feeling. It was somewhere between pride and absolute boundless joy. One of the great "quiet" moments in my life.
Oddly enough the movie we were set to see was "Gran Torino". Not only an incisive look at racial tolerance, but a pretty heady look at the negative gap that can grow between fathers and kids, and the dissonance it can create.

I felt even prouder still as the movie unspooled.

So when you wake up the weekend of June 21st and realize it's Father's day, yes, you should call your Dad. Maybe visit him and bring him a little something. Be sure to do yourself a favor as well.

Look into the mirror for a couple of minutes closely and say the words "He called me Dad." Think about how it makes you feel.

Pretty damn nice, isn't it.

THE 70'S GRIND: Revenge, Poetic Justice, or simple baser human evil?

In the 1970's, the darker side of the filmmakers mindset sold some tickets. There was a slew of movies where a crime committed saw reprisal, and the films did well, either in the mainstream, or on the grindhouse and drive-in circuits. A lot of those flicks have already been, or are in the process of being remade, for better or worse. Obviously they struck some kind of chord with the viewing public.

These kinds of films, "Last House on the Left", "I Spit on your Grave", "Straw Dogs", and "The Hills Have Eyes", to name but a few were successful at the outset, and saw second lives on VHS and eventually DVD. Deeply rooted in Ingmar Bergmann's "The Virgin Spring" mentality, they were classic revenge flicks without the "revenge fantasy" element. Too dark for all that. They also were difficult to watch at best, and each trumped the other in the controversy department.

Still, critics and sometimes the filmmakers themselves labelled the movies as an "examination of violence" and claim the statement being made on celluloid here is that the gap between the barbarians and the "normals" and what they are both capable of doing is not all that wide.

There may be some truth to that, but to compare the awful to the innocent is a mistake and somewhat foolish.
It's all about intent.
After that, all bets are off.

What these so-called experts don't see is the behavior of the protagonists in these movies is merely survival or retribution. These people who have been so grievously wronged act in one of two ways:
1. Self Defense
2. Levelling the playing field.
These two things are a far cry from the depraved homocidal or psychosexual acts of the antagonists. You see, by virtue of their existence, they are not the instigators. Evil is as evil does, it's not a reaction.

To group murderously evil people in with folks on vacation (The Hills have Eyes), or preparing for a daughter's birthday party (Last House on the Left), is not only off base, it's overly cynical.

Because after the score has been evened and the dust has finally settled, The victims will attempt to put back together the pieces of their broken life, not look for their next victim.

Therein lies the difference.

Good and Evil/Black and White.

VINYL DESTINATION 2: Yesterday & Today

So I'm digging through a pile of vinyl the other day and stumble across Y&T's "Mean Streak". They had their hayday in the mid 80's with that LP as well as a hit single in "Summertime Girls". (Terrible song, by the by). But I'm reminded of a better time, long before the "hair era", circa 1976 when Y&T went by their original moniker, Yesterday and Today. Their self-titled debut came out that year, and to me, I think it's far superior to what came after.

The best thing about the debut is the lack of production. Unlike a lot of hard rock bands of this era which seemed overproduced and uber-polished, this LP has a raw edge that makes it more enjoyable, especially compared to Y&T's later glossy efforts. Dave Meniketti's strong voice still packs some pop, but it sounds rougher and more urgent than what most are used to from the band, and that adds to the almost demo-style charm of the record.

The album starts off with "Animal Woman" a strange choice to kick off the record being one of it's weaker cuts, and featuring rhythm guitarist Joe Alves on vocals. Not a real attention grabber. The record remedies that faux pas with the second cut, "25 Hours a Day", an anthemic rocker that much like "Beautiful Dreamer", the pretty love ballad that closes the record, is still played by the band to this day.

To me, the strongest offering on the record is "Fast Ladies (Very Slow Gin), a song that begins misleadingly with a flowing lead run backed by a jogging bass line from Phil Kennemore, before kicking into a nasty galloping riff rock chord jam. It leads to a nice verse and catchy chorus. Almost as good is "Game Playing Woman", a song with a start and stop riff structure, that folds into a jazzy bass-backed bridge, before launching into a Zeppelin style chord jam behind a nasty lead by Meniketti.

This record holds up against the best of the era along with Nugent, Aerosmith, and the rest of the sweaty arena rockers, but it will never gain that notoriety.

Another plus is Leonard Haze's drumming which is a double kick style slightly ahead of it's time. Sadly in the late 80's, Haze was ejected from the band for not fitting it's aesthetic. In the "Summertime Girls" video, a comedy disaster still seen on VH1 Classic, Haze is the guy popping up out of the trash can at the very beginning. A very good drummer as well as a founding member, he deserved better. Although the only other weak cut on the record is "Alcohol", a paean to drinking that made the rounds in the midwest in the late 70's as a juke box regular, is sung poorly by Haze himself, and he doesn't come off well.

"Yesterday & Today" was released on the very small London label out of New York in '76, and I think it's only available on cd as a japanese import, which is a shame. It's a very good album and deserved a better fate.

AXE ATTACK!!!!!

This is my nephew Joe, kicking 6 string Ass.


See also: www.riffworld.com/Members/Tesla1986

www.myspace.com/salaciouscrumb86

HAVE MUSCLE, WILL TRAVEL

Last Season, after 45 games in the minors with the Brewers AAA affiliate, the Nashville Sounds, Russell Branyan, the every day third baseman there was absolutely raking the ball, hitting over .340 with a pile of homers and RBI. With the Crew's regular 3B Billy Hall and his backup, Craig Counsell, lacking offensive punch, the GM Doug Melvin made the call up.

Prior to last year, Melvin signed Branyan off the scrap heap to Nashville, because Branyan wanted to play close to home, and the Sounds needed a corner infielder. Match made in heaven. After just over a month into the season, voila, he was needed.

After several starts and stops from the minors to the show over the years prior to Nashville, Russell "the Muscle" Branyan was back in the big leagues. I rooted for Branyan big time. I always loved that comeback story, that against all odds kind of deal. Hey, I loved "The Rookie"!

Up to the point where my Milwaukee Brewers called him up, Branyan had served stints with Cleveland, Milwaukee (once prior), Cincinatti, San Diego, Tampa Bay and Philadelphia. Inarguably, a fantastic amount of stops in a career of a 32 year old. Why so many opportunities?

Raw friggin' power.

Russell Branyan is one of those guys that just comes around so often. Not a particularly huge dude, doesn't take giant lumberjackesque haymaker swings. Just a relaxed stroke and the ball absolutely JUMPS off his bat. No team can take just one look, they always do that double take. Yeah, he strikes out a lot, but DAMN, the pop! Rany Jazayerli, a writer for the Baseball Prospectus has more or less declared him todays best representative of the TTO, or "Three True Outcomes" philosophy of baseball. You either strike out, walk, or drill one into the cheaps. Branyans HR per At bats statistics are off the charts, always have been. So you factor his massive launching pad of a bat, more than passable skills as a hot corner man, his versatility in being able to play corner outfield positions as well as first, add that to a change in his stance down at Nashville which had caused his battng average to skyrocket, and you've got a pretty safe callup.

All he did upon being called up was hit around .260 with 12 homers and 25 RBI in 132 at bats before his back started bothering him just as the season was tailing down. In December, free agency struck, and Seattle picked Branyan up for a middling amount.

Sad to see him go anyway, that feeling is elevated now as I watch the bench of the current Brewers doing not a lot more than striking out and seeing Russell Branyan hitting .344 with 6 homers and 14 RBI on the young season. I think we might have missed the boat on this one.

Still, I wish "The Muscle" luck. It's been a long road, and his persistence is pretty amazing in this day and age. They say he works pretty hard, too. It's a refreshing spin in today's baseball environment. I just wish he was still swinging the bat here for Milwaukee.