Santa Project ‘24: All Through the House

In the 50s, a controversial comic book form that was known as EC comics, which influenced numerous writers and filmmakers in their wake, spit out stories that became almost an American Grimm’s fairytales. 

Most of these stories are morality plays, which shows terrible people suffering fates even worse than what they perpetrated on others. These comic book stories were, of course the inspiration for George Romero and Stephen King‘s Creepshow film, and numerous anthology series and films in the following decades. 

But one story that has inspired memes  came out of Vault of Horror circa 1951, was All Through the House. This was an absolute Christmas time nightmare about a woman who decides to murder her husband and suffers terrifying consequences as a result. 

The story was used as a segment for the 1973 Amicus film Tales from the Crypt starring Dynasty ingenue Joan Collins,  and then later the 90’s HBO series Tales from the Crypt directed by Robert Zemeckis, starring Mary Ellen Trainor and Larry Drake. 

Images from several of these comic book pages, and the film and TV episodes have lingered in the public memory to some degree for decades.  This results from the story being extremely disturbing for its source material, and its subject matter.

Amicus was a British film studio that operated much in the same vein as hammer studios. Predominantly Gothic films starring the lakes of Ralph Richardson and Peter Cushing were their mainstay. 

Tales from the crypt is a really good anthology film featuring some very dark material, drawn primarily from the comics I alluded to. Now,  the connecting tissue in between the segments is far weaker than the stories themselves. But there’s a lot here to like. 

The lead off is the Joan Collins take on all through the house, which is extremely unsettling as there is no actual score but Christmas music. She goes through the motions of murdering her husband, trying to cover it up and even thinks she’s safeguarded her house from an escaped lunatic in a Santa Claus outfit.  

She turns out to be wrong.

 This is 16 minutes of pure horror, and really does one of two things: primes the pump for whats to come, or offers a reason for you to think the rest of the film is a letdown. either way, the segment is terrific filmmaking and Freddy Francis (Dracula Has Risen From the Grave, and a list of cinematographer credits that would make most lighters jealous) is to be commended. 

In 1989 All Through the House made the second episode of the premier season of HBO's Tales From the Crypt anthology series.  This time its pedigree was as solid as it gets.  Produced by Joel Silver and Richard Donner, music by legendary Alan Silvestri, cinematography from Dean Cundey, the chap who did the early John Carpenter masterpieces and went on to light some Spielberg work including Jurassic Park, and it’s helmed by director of Back to the Future and Forrest Gump's Robert Zemeckis.  I mean holy shit. 

Oh, and by the way, scripted by my one of my favorites, the guy responsible for Night of the Creeps and Monster Squad,  Fred Dekker.  A guy short-changed by Hollywood for some reason, as his talent exceeds that of many still working frequently in the business. 

This take, in running with the series, contained a little more dark humor, more graphic violence, and a putridly intimidating Santa-murderer, played by Larry Drake (L.A. Law, Darkman).   Mary Ellen Trainor as the mom, matches Joan Collins blow for blow. 

So, my examination of this decades-long Christmas horror curio draws to a close.  

Do I have a favorite.  

I can't say.  One is distinctly British, and the other has big budget American flash, so it's up to you.  But the EC Comics tale still holds that morality tale punch, and final panel kick in the nuts that can't be exceeded.

 

Santa Project ‘24: Christmas with the Joker

One of the few great things Fox TV has ever had to offer was the 1990s fox kids Batman afternoon series. And one of the greatest things about the show is its writing. I mean for chrissake, Joe Lansdale has written episodes of this series.

You can’t do much better than the voice work either;  including the late great Kevin Conroy as Batman, and Mark Hamill, who is absolutely ecstatically terrific, as the Joker. 

And, I offer you one of the great animated adventures in Christmas television, Christmas with the Joker.  It’s A Wonderful 22 minute adventure where Batman and Robin are about ready to relax for the evening and watch “It’s a wonderful life”after a quick sweep of Gotham. They’re left only to find out that not only has the Joker escaped from Arkham, but he has abducted George and Barbara Gordon, as well as Harvey Bullock.  

The clown Prince of crime is now broadcasting on  live television how much he hates Batman, including several verses of Jingle Bells, Batman smells,  he blows up a bridge, and gives the Dark Knight and his sidekick Robin the boy wonder until midnight to save his three abductees. 

This is pure joy, not only is Hamill hilarious,  but Conroy inhabits Batman in a way that no one I think ever has, literally only with his voice. Batman, The Animated Series has so much to offer and wouldn’t you know that in only its first season, and its second episode, it ripped out a piece of holiday classic television. 

Once again, Fox television at least did one thing right. 

The Santa Project '24: Violent Night

Violent Night was an absolute blast. And a pretty interesting look at class warfare between the wealthy and even more wealthy. David Harbour, much like Mel Gibson in Fatman, is a fed up Santa Claus.  One who is tired of kids who don’t really want anything more than cash and video games and don’t appreciate the holidays anymore. He starts the film by getting drunk in a bar in England and throwing up on the bartender as she watches in awe as he flies away in his sleigh. 

Harbour is perfect in this part. Actually, he’s downright fantastic.  the viciousness that you saw in some of his early work, such as The Equalizer and A Walk Among the Tombstones is there, but balances out with the edgy softness he displays often as Hopper when it comes to children. 

This example of Santa Claus was once a warrior that’s over 1100 years old; a fascinating take that isn’t explored very deeply by director Tommy Wirkola, but nonetheless Santa brings that former part of his history's hammer, the aptly named Skull Crusher, into the fight with you got it, terrorists. 

But wait these aren’t exactly terrorists. These are thieves led by a hilarious John Leguizamo, who just happens to hate Christmas, and some turncoats that are stealing already stolen money from an extremely wealthy family on Christmas Eve during a holiday party in their palatial estate. Violence breaks out when Santa Claus, still rough and tumble, but has the vulnerability that comes with rustiness, decides to intervene in a very Die Hard like manner. This mansion may as well be Nakatomi Plaza.  

Hey! It's good to see Beverly D’Angelo return to the screen. 

The fight choreography as well as the humor is definitely in abundance here, as is the gore you need to be prepared for.  As a matter of fact Violent Night comes off as a nifty combination of Die Hard 2 and Home Alone, just caked in claret. 

Before you blow this off as another holiday film drenched in violence to reach out to a certain audience, explore the relationship between Harbour and the little girl, Trudy, stuck in the middle of all this. It’s legitimately touching and has enough weight to it to make this work as a Christmas film, despite the bloodshed.  

Especially when the little girl brings Home Alone into it against a couple of the punk thugs. In my opinion, that segment is far more entertaining than the Macaulay Culkin film that inspired the sequence.  Actually, early on, Trudy does her Culkin impression, showing a parents' reaction that most of us adults have to that particular piece of holiday cinema.  Irritation.

Fatman And Violent Night would make a great double feature, and I may consider doing that sometime soon. Move over Lethal Weapon and Die Hard. You got a pair of action flicks that are moving into your territory for the holidays. 

A Holiday Memory: Sports cards vs. Star Wars

 This piece is about sports cards again and if you are a reader and that bothers you, I am sorry,  but it is part of my history and DNA.   But this is about my early  childhood as well. 

 I had a friend, Gordon, who my friendship with at Somers elementary school went all the way back to kindergarten.  This  takes place in the third grade and it’s a very quaint story. 

Gordon seemed to be getting sarcastically picked on by some other classmates of ours, a couple of them even friends. The reason being, instead of sports cards, they (myself included) collected Star Wars cards, and like smoking, this was cool.

Gordon liked football, and hence collected football cards. 

Well, Gordon was a true friend, and I was gonna defend my friend to the end, so I lied to the others and told them that I was backing away from Star Wars cards to join Gordon in the football card parade. I remember this being my direct quote as the reason: 

“Because football gives you a lot of exercise.” 

As something I said in that moment should have been, it was stupid.  This elicited gales of laughter from the Star Wars crew of course, but Gordon was glad I had his back and for some reason he gave me a stack of Topps football cards.  I believe the bulk of which were from 1978. 

These were the first football cards I ever owned, and I believe they were Gordon’s doubles so that's why he was able to give them away so freely. I appreciated the effort, as a matter of fact I took them home and really enjoyed them. Now, 1978 is not the most exciting year of a football card design, but it was different than what I was dabbling in at the time. 

This happened in the dead of winter because I remember laying underneath the Christmas tree with the glow of the lights, an episode of PBS’ Siskel and Ebert’s “Sneak Previews” rolling in the background.  I was looking at a 1978 card of Vikings Wide Receiver Sammie White and thinking that the colors and the design were interesting, (maybe not as cool as Star Wars, and 1978 is not Topps Football’s best) but again, different from Star Wars. I kinda dug the little cartoons and factoids that joined the statistics on the back as well.   I have re-enacted that magic moment below, you can even see some "Sneak Previews" regalia in the background.

Why this is a memory that sticks with me to this very day I don’t really know. It’s kind of like another memory I have of holding a 1978 Steve Garvey, (also a Topps card) while sitting on the my bedroom floor, looking at it as the sun was starting to peek through the window. 

I once told a version of someone else’s joke that when you’re growing up in the suburbs in America in the 70s, you are issued a copy of Frampton Comes Alive, Boston’s first album on 8 track, a paperback copy of Jaws, a Mr. Microphone, a Pet Rock, and the 1978 Topps Steve Garvey. 

Anyways here’s to Gordon for being my real first introduction to the topps sports card.  Although I never did back away from the Star Wars cards.  I’d never let Gordon know that, and kept that collection to myself until I stupidly parted with it sometime in the early 80s. And To a friend who I have long lost touch with.  I was a Fool!  Those cards are cooler now than they were then, a true valuable. Like, big time. 

However, to cover my childish idiocy,  I now have a really cool hardcover picture book that actually covers the entire series of Topps‘ 1977 Star Wars cards.  That does just fine for me now; the memories the photos elicit are still there, still rich, and still sparked by the book.

my nostalgia is kind of eternal, And visually triggered.

And I’m Still holdin’ on to ol’ Sammie White too.