Tuesday, August 7, 2012

I Hate This Movie!!

"That movie sucked. I hate that movie!" -- My girlfriend, Frani.

Now, Frani is exceedingly sweet, open minded, and very understanding. For her to scowl at a television screen and let a just-finished motion picture have it like that, is a rarity. It must have been awful.

So here, I go....I don't usually negatively review anything, but there's been a line crossed here.

Being a bit of a cinephile, I've seen a ton of movies. Not so many these last few years, but in the past. It takes a LOT for me to hate a movie. A lot. I can find something redeemable in almost anything. (Almost, is most certainly a key term in that cluster of words.) That being said, every once in a Bleu Cheese a piece of tripe floats by that makes me almost as angry as Waldorf Salad or Dexter from The Offspring.

Enter "The Time Traveler's Wife". Time travel movies defy logic as part of their very existence, obviously. There's no exception here. But when it happens here, it's so muddy, that you find yourself looking at the person you're viewing the film with, (lucky me in this case, the breathtaking Frani) and saying "The What Who?"

You don't know thanks to the terrible plotline, which version of the Time Traveler (Eric Bana) you're watching. All of the characters in this flick are terribly underwritten anyway, so you don't care when it ventures into tear-jerker territory. Now, before you go all "He's a guy, he doesn't get it!", I happen to enjoy the occasional "Chick Flick", (hate that term), and I knew that's what this was before watching it.

It doesn't excuse it.

I didn't like any version of the people in this movie, past, present, or future, and that dooms a flick. It's hard to root for people you don't like. Eric Bana is about as enjoyable to watch as a slow growing headache. Rachel McAdams, the put-upon wife of a man who time travels on accident when stressed out, ( I know, What the Hell? Wouldn't most of us like to go somewhere far away when life becomes a crapstorm?) acts so belligerent half the time, it's hard to empathize with her. She knew Bana did this.....

The movie becomes a muddy mess that doesn't make a whole lot of sense from the get-go, so I found myself just grieving for the loss of time I spent watching it.

Well, I did get to cuddle with my girl while watching it, so I guess it was actually a very good viewing experience. But still, this movie has to go.....really.....if some version of me could travel back in time and erase it, I would...


No comments: